Serious Stuff

was today. Two men in a maroon older mustang stalked me in a car at 5:40 am this morning as I was out walking Rascal. No cell phone. No ID. No whistle or weapon. Just my wussy dog - who appeared fierce for a moment when he attacked 'Mean Kitty' two blocks from my house.

I'm not kidding. Every fiber of my being had warning bells going off...

I was walking Rascal - and the car came toward me, going really slow -- the young kid on the passenger side (mid-twenties I would guess, hispanic, red t-shirt) looked at me long and slow - I put my generic pleasant face on, feeling uneasy. When the car drove two houses past me and then t u r n e d a r o u n d I knew they weren't just coming home drunk. Now the driver (looked younger than the passenger, also hispanic, light t-shirt. Both had very short/shaven hair) takes his turn to look, and if possible the car is driving even slower. At that point Rascal attacks mean kitty - and barked and looked a bit like scary pit bull -- I have to slow down a bit and pull him away and I keep walking. The car oh-so-very-slowly drives past me and the whole time I'm thinking "Oh God... please... show me where to go - what I can do. Please God... Oh My God" and can't breathe. Thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. I couldn't catch my breath. All I kept thinking was "Please God. No. I'm not this stupid!!! the unaware woman who doesn't have any way to call for help." I'm feeling anger, but it is overwhelmed by the fear.

yeah. I don't judge anymore. Not now. Not again. And I didn't think I judged before... but how I was talking to myself at this point wasn't very nice, and wasn't reducing the panic or helping me find an escape.

I lose sight of the car and really start walking fast, because I instinctively know that they're coming back. This particular area in my neighborhood is hard to describe -- there is an island, so to speak, of houses, with a street that runs a triangle sort of circle around them, and has like 3 different street names, depending on which direction the street goes. Really easy to make a lap and come up behind me again. I cross the street of a cul-de-sac that is built in to this triangle/circle of houses, and walk past two more houses and there is a walking alley between houses. I walk quickly into this narrow alley, not a clue where it leads, just knowing a car can't follow me in there. [We have large open alleys behind houses in older neighborhoods where the garbage trucks used to go to pick up the garbage cans] I quickly realize that the alley doesn't lead out the way I was hoping, and have an instinct that I'm just supposed to hide and wait.

I run past 4 or 5 back yards, not sure if I can be seen from where I entered the alley. Now I'm even more panicked, more out of breath (if that is even possible), more scared out of my mind and thinking "I'm only two blocks from home. Oh God. Please No."

I kid you not, I hear the car circling this circle/triangle of houses. It is quiet at 5:40 in the morning. We've had lots of rain, and it is a gray morning and even the birds aren't making a lot of noise. If they'd been from this neighborhood or belonged anywhere on this street, they would have known a car could have come into the alley where I was. I prayed, "God. I'm going to stay here until I receive a SURE, UNMISTAKABLE sign from you that I am okay. That I will be safe. If I have to stay here for an hour or two or whatever. I'm not leaving until You say okay." I pull Rascal closer to me and scoot into a large open grassy corner (think gnats and bugs) where two back yard fences/walls meet. Meanwhile, Rascal is having a field day in the grass and goodies that are found in early morning alleys that are full of mud, rain and stuff generally found in desert alleys.

About 10 or 15 minutes later, the latch of the back yard gate directly across from me opens. A medium built skinny man, probably in his 50's, glasses, shoes, a watch and a short nightgown-ey thing comes out -- doesn't see me and turns to his right. I say "Thank You God." I approach slowly and say, "Excuse me sir...." and then start to cry. And gasp. And I'm shaking. I can't believe this is happening, and as I write this now, at 9:17 pm the same day... I still can't believe this kind of fear and this situation was one I found myself in. He says he needs to get his cat off the wall -- he walks over to check to see if the cat is there (hello - I've got a dog who loves to find cats... no cat around)

The man looks unafraid, and I'm babbling about "I'm sorry, I can't talk" - my name is - I was walking (point) over there, this car... stalking, following... can I come in and use your phone... I just live at the corner of This and That --- (point)... breathe. Gather my thoughts. Do you have a phone I could use? I don't need to come in. He says, "do you want to come through the yard to the front of the house and I'll get the phone." Thank you, I say. Rascal isn't barking... he's licking the guy's hand.

I try to call himself, afraid that he's in the shower, I think - he can just deal and come pick me up -- I'm only two freakin' blocks away. Oh no... he won't hear the phone -- he's in the shower. And sure enough... he didn't pick up. I ask the guy his name - he tells me, (I'll call him Clyde) I say - I'm really sorry... I've never been in a situation like this, I've never done this -- thank you so much. I look at the watch on his wrist, see that is is almost 6am and say -- I think I'm okay to go home... he says, "are you sure you're okay to get home?" and I tell him I think there are more people out at 6am than 5:30 and that I should be okay.

I walk home. Of course, on the way Rascal has to poop. Pick up the poop.

"Thank you God. Oh. My. God. Thank You." That's all that is going through my head.

I get inside our yard. In the house. Lock the door. Feed the dog. Then I collapse at the table and just sob - heaving. Such a release and a relief. I'm still in a state of shock and disbelief that I'm this scared.

I sit there for about 5 minutes or so, then head to the back of the house where himself is just finishing getting dressed and I just sort of barge into his chest and wail -- loud sobs. I manage to say "I'm okay. Nothing happened. Hang on...." and cry some more. Then I tell him what happened and he's angry, scared, helpless and concerned. We go outside so he can smoke (! duh !) and I can't stop crying for very long to be overly coherent.

I stop crying for a few minutes and then it all comes back and I start again. And I'm thanking God this whole entire time. I'm also asking "what is my lesson?" besides the obvious 'take your cell phone you naive woman!' How am I to use this? Thank You God. Asking Him what is the point I'm supposed to take away from this? I'm praying for the two men in the car. Though I must admit I didn't pray for them until hours later.

Now that I'm somewhat calmer I think about calling the police. Himself says if I'm this freaked out, then yes, I should call. I don't. Himself says from now on I keep to the main street. I don't disagree. I go take a shower. Himself says he's calling in to work to just stay with me until I'm safely off. (which touched me more than anything. that made me feel so much better) I head to the shower for today is check in day for the first day of camp for the chorus and I'm to be there at 7:30 am.

I'm in the shower thinking... this only happened an hour ago. An hour ago I was feeling stalked and terrorized and hiding in an alley praying that I wasn't going to be raped, beaten, taken in a car... who knows what trouble these men were cruising for. I cry in the shower.

As I'm getting ready for work, himself comes in and gives me a hug and says, "I'll be going with you on walks. I can use a walk in the mornings." This more than anything helps the anxiety of walking the dog tomorrow morning and the morning after that and after that... go away. More relief floods through me, and again I start to cry.

I leave for work after saying I'll call himself at home to let him know I get to work okay. I call around 9:50 am and he says my mom called and he let her in on the situation. About 5 minutes after we hang up she calls and I tell her -- and I cry some more. Adding details like why I didn't leave a message.... there is nothing I could say on a machine that would be helpful.."Honey, I'm at 5555 S. Main - you know, where that shortcut I take around the block in this neighborhood that you've only lived in for a year and don't know well at all... well that shortcut that you hate... well, I'm here with Clyde, a nice man in a nightshirt who've I just created a lasting memory for: of a large, red, tear-stained face and bed-head woman babbling about being stalked and her wussy dog. .. Please come pick me up."

I mean.

I half laugh on the phone in this part of the story. But it isn't funny. I'm deflecting. And I told himself this morning that the rule in our house now is if the wife is out of the house and phone rings and it is before 7am, he better really try to get to the phone.

Mom says I need to call the police. I go to work and naturally have to tell the story, (didn't tell the moms and daughters at camp checkin -- tried to act normal, and normal helped)... and they say call the police.

1pm and I'm drained. The adrenaline from the morning has wiped me out. I leave at 2:30. Call the closest police office non-emergency number and the very nice female officer advises me to call 911 and have an officer come out and make a report. I call 911 -- get transferred to another police office and the female officer chastised me for not calling from the guy's house when it happened. My phone lost the connection and I didn't call back.

But I had to put it here. What if I see the car again.

Had to get this out. Don't be unaware. Take a cell phone always. A whistle.
A friend.

Independence Day

So himself walks in the kitchen and says 'isn't it great to be on holiday?!' -- and I said, "Yes, especially when it falls in the middle of your vacation..."

To which he asks, "what's the difference between holidays and vacation?"

Ah... separated by a common language looms its head again. And it isn't like he doesn't really know... he's been married to an American for 9 years...

So I reply, "Holidays are generally something that is celebrated nationally - 4th of July (Independence Day), Christmas, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, Labor Day... and you can tell because Banks are closed. In the UK, there were arbitrary "Bank Holiday Monday's" - and I'm not complaining!! We don't have those, though."

And the brief discussion ensued, in which I agree... going on holiday sounds much more fun than going on vacation.

* * * * * * *
Himself then went out to smoke -- came back and stuck his head in the door a couple minutes later (it is 12:55pm) and says, "uh... hello.... just want to tell you that the patio area around the spa and stuff... it's too hot to walk on with your bare feet..."

To which I reply, "DUH! How long have you lived here?"

To which he starts shutting the door and says, "shut up shut up shut up...." in that little sing song way of his.....

It's supposed to be 111 today. At 5:30 am it was already 75. Even in my slip on sandals my feet get hot both on the bottom and on top too if exposed to direct sunlight!!

So Is It Okay That I Married One?

Never Date an Aquarius

Freaky, unconventional, and downright strange - it's likely that any Aquarius will weird you out. And if you do happen to fall for an Aquarius, you'll probably find them too emotionally distant to connect with. Instead try dating: Cancer, Pisces, Capricorn, or Virgo

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

Is it July Already?

Yikes! Only supposed to be 111 this weekend. *&%$#!!

I asked himself if I start making $35,000 can we get a pool -- after we successfully obtain a mortgage.... but enough moaning and complaining about the heat. I have a feeling it is going to be a terrific rainy season -- I don't know why I think that... but if I'm right -- cool!!

The other day I was thinking of movies that made significant impressions on me as a child -- so I thought I'd share them here... not all of them were age-appropriate, which is why they may have made an impression...

The Other Side of the Mountain - Beau Bridges & ___________. Story of an olympic skier (Jill ________ ) who had a horrible accident and it paralyzed her from the waist down. The sequel was horrible -- but the first movie is one of the first movies I remember...

Bless The Beasts and the Children -- horrid horrid feelings come back when I think of this movie. I can't remember the entire thing because I'm not sure that I've ever seen the entire thing. The theme song, sung by Karen Carpenter is excellent, though.

Buster and Billie -- Jan Michael Vincent & ____________ -- on www.imdb.com it says the bad guy ("Whitey", in the movie) went on to fame as Freddie in 'Nightmare on Elm Street' -- I happened upon this movie while we were visiting an aunt and her new husband & family in Redwood City -- I can remember the velvet black lounge chair and crying at the end -- I was much too young to be watching this movie -- I wasn't sure what had happened at the Rape scene (not that it was shown at all -- just boys unzipping their pants) - and it was on television... but I remember being sooooo sad... and my mom coming in to check on me and asking "what are you watching?" when she saw me crying -- and I had no idea what the movie was....

From Noon til Three - Charles Bronson & Jill __________ -- I don't remember much except them dancing around and being sad (again).

Breaking Away -- Love this movie. Still love this movie

Dog Day Afternoon -- mom and uncle (the ex-husband of the aunt we were visiting when I saw Buster & Billie) took me to the theater to see this one -- I didn't get it. I remember asking my mom "Why is that man in a wedding dress?"

Escape To Witch Mountain -- love this movie. Still love this movie

Kramer vs. Kramer -- I remember being so thrilled that this was a book I read before I saw the movie (I was 11 or 12) and thinking the book was better. I learned that early.

The Paper Chase -- John Houseman -- he's awesome! Loved the series, too!!

Fun With Dick & Jane -- Jane Fonda & George Segal. The remake wasn't bad... but love the original (never forget the scene with Jane peeing while George is talking to her in the bathroom and thinking 'I'm NEVER doing that!!' - and I haven't.

Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory -- my aunt took me and my cousin to see this at the theater in Fremont... I ran out of the theater when Charlie & Grandpa start floating up to the top. The boat ride scared the hell out of me... but the floating to the top was the last straw -- love Gene Wilder, though. Remake was so different, but also good. Love Johnny Depp.

Oh God! - John Denver & George Burns -- who thought they'd be a good pair? But I remember the movie...

Grease. Duh.

The Bad News Bears -- Loved Walter Mattheau....

Okay -- now I can throw my stickies away.

I'm sure there's more -- there's a great story my mom tells on me when we went to see Benji in the theatre... but I'll save that for another time.

working

I've been working.

A lot.

I'm going in when I'm done writing this... himself is going to help (who am I kidding, himself is going to be supervised by me) get my pc moved from one desk to another...

I love what I'm doing. But I need to be careful because I can feel the martyrdom coming, and this is my choice. Soon. Soon.

I'll be back writing regularly soon.

And hey -- my counter hit 1,007 :-)

One really cool thing is that I have a better understanding through what I'm doing now of what my dad dedicated his life to... and having humongo conversations with him about his advice and expertise is really cool. And one of my best friends... we now have something to reconnect through since he works in a non-profit environment, too.

And by the way -- it was 105 yesterday, and the triple digits will be around for awhile!! blech.

Mostly True... :-)

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. In love, you tend to have high (and often unrealistic) standards. You are very sensitive. You tend to have intense feelings. At work, you need to do something that expresses your personal values. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. How you see yourself: Unselfish, empathetic, and spiritual When other people don't get you, they see you as: Unrealistic, naive, and weak

What's Your Personality Type?

What have I postponed saying no to?

What a great question, eh?

This blog has a couple of good points made the last few days... I struggle with persistence, consistency and self-discipline. This I know. Being a people pleaser, saying yes to things (and people) I want to say no to is very difficult for me. Add to that my confrontation issue -- in that I do just about anything to avoid a confrontation (I don't want to disappoint people, I don't want people to not like me, the perfectionist thing which I know is irrational but feel it anyway...), all this conspires against me and how I view the world and myself.

I have postponed saying no to my scrapping client -- that no, I've not scrapped a lot - and I won't continue scrapping --and I've probably delayed saying no, which really bums me out (to say no) because I love doing it, it is my big connection with her and without it I'm afraid there will be no connection, and I always think I can "fall back" on it as extra income.

That's all -- my apologies to anyone who reads this regularly... I have to spend my time on other things, so only get here less than regularly now :-(

...and one more thing

I love my new quartet.

Last Friday night and Saturday we hung out a lot because the chorus was doing Mother's Day Singing Telegrams. We did our early Friday evening gig - then we're all dressed up with no one to sing for, so we thought maybe we could go to dinner, get a discount and promote the chorus fundraiser by singing for a few dinner guests. Well, the manager only charged for drinks! We sang for two tables, and one of the mom's was so appreciative -- it was super cool.

The Tenor and the Bass of this quartet are natural sales people, and excel at selling themselves. I can sell others, but suck at selling myself, so as we get better and more experienced singing together, with these two as our marketing masters, I have no doubt that we'll be able to make this quartet pay for itself, which fits my budget so very well!!!!!

On Saturday morning we had two gigs to sing with another quartet, so we did that -- then went to breakfast at a place where the Bass and her husband regularly go, sang twice and again got free meals. Walking out to the car I said with much gusto "I LOVE this quartet!!!"

We also spent a lot of time talking about and probably solving the problems of (I'll say) the world... and I'm convinced if the Tenor & Bass got themselves in positions of authority, (I'll say) the world would be a very different place. We laugh hysterically together -- are so creative it hurts sometimes!

*Whew!*

Tucson Girls Chorus Auditions for May are over! Until August :-)

Wow! I basically feel like I've been in deadline crush mode since (well, really since I started...) two weeks after I started. The red tape in order to pass out Audition Flyers to schools (rolling of the eyes) -- fax the flyer w/ a form - the flyer has to have a disclaimer from most districts - fax it back approved. Districts have ways in which they want to received the flyers -- bundles of 20, for example. Tucson's largest school district is TUSD and they have over 8,000 elementary children -- I forget how many middle school... And we had 3 other districts besides that. And only 3 other districts because I knew time was an issue, there are really 7 districts we want to get information to! So I targeted a part of town kinda close to the TGC Music Center and we only sent out 1,500... (to one district) and 1,500 because I had put this flyer thing off for a couple weeks cuz I hadn't realized the magnitude of the job.

So, yesterday were the Auditions -- next time I'll ask to have my parent volunteers there 1/2 hour early -- cuz the two that I asked to be there 1/2 hour early were only 20 minutes early, and I had two girls show up to audition 10 minutes early. And of course I wasn't quite ready -- with all the other stuff I was doing -- printing out the enrollment forms and audition/TGC policy overviews... well, after the first 5 families arrived everyone was there and it was a well-oiled machine.

Our goal was 20 new girls (and some people thought this was overly optimistic, and I'm sure the director herself wasn't thinking we'd get that many...). I believe we have 24 or 25 new girls, plus 4 girls who haven't committed yet... and then there were 10 or so from the week before's "bring a buddy" day.

I love my job. I've never felt this passionate about something AND been given enough responsibility and trust to do things the way I see fit by those whom I answer to. I'm sure my enthusiasm will run its course, and the change of Board members coming at Monday's board meeting I have a bad feeling about... but there are enough 'mindless' kinds of tasks sandwiched between rush deadlines, long and short term projects and they all point to the end goal of enriching young girls' lives and increasing their musical and emotional maturity that I'm not easily bored; there is a lot of potential for growth of the organization and personal satisfaction in being an integral part of helping make it happen. The director makes a huge difference, she's awesome and I need her to stick around for a long long time.

A week ago Saturday was the Concert, and I was right in the middle of program ads for two weeks... the concert was fab, and the front-of-house parents volunteering went really well, too. The past couple of years have been rough for a variety of reasons, so I'm hoping things will continue to stay on track. I have a vested interest in this non-profit organization -- me doing good ensures me good paycheck!!

Making The Rounds... in case you haven't seen it

So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on this mat in our bathroom.

Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves chap stick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chap stick and then losing it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my chap stick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put it right back in the drawer when he was done.

Last year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush around and try to get ready with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood.

We finally have the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my chap stick very carefully to Jack's . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said "chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right--their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind.

And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth.

And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your chap stick on the cat's butt.

Fear part II

After my final class in PR - which was analyzing PR situations (Tylenol Scare = good PR cuz we still use Tylenol; 3-Mile Island Nuclear Accident = bad PR cuz we're still quite afraid of nuclear energy); I decided working as a PR professional wasn't for me -- I didn't want to be on the front wave of any crisis... I didn't want to talk to press when the airplane crashed, or in healthcare PR when costs skyrocket & HMO's suck... a friend from Pepperdine had gone on to a small Musical Theatre conservatory in Ft. Worth, I applied and was accepted -- got home to Arizona and didn't know how I was going to [1] pay for it or [2] live - I had some relatives in the area but didn't have the nerve to ask them for help. So I stayed at home, started working for American Airlines as a reservation agent, and found barbershop. I had also started working with an independent theater company that helped me form who I am today -- but that is another whole series of posts... it wasn't just a theater company, it is a way of thinking and a way of life, and from the outside looking in it is too close to cult for comfort. But I digress.

I basically flounder around -- not sure what in the world I'm doing for 10 years...

I quit AA to tour the east coast from Boston to Key West with a small musical touring company based in Texas - we performed a Cole Porter Review, a USO style show, an interactive murder mystery show, and a children's 'save the earth' kind of show. That was 3 months and one of the best decisions I have made. ** I came back from that and worked as a receptionist at a local magazine; then I decided I really should have gone for a music degree, auditioned at the University for a vocal scholarship and got a full ride. Had the worst vocal professor on campus and he wouldn't let me jury in the second semester - I wasn't ready and I quit. I shouldn't have quit, yet at the same time the department is extremely political and my situation wouldn't ever have changed (i.e., I wouldn't have been allowed to switch vocal professors) and I didn't want to ruin my voice. ** Then came hell... 4 part time jobs with a two week period in which I had 5... 2 waitress jobs (one at a karaoke place; one an early morning shift at a 24-hour student-y restaurant), retail job in the mall, a morning newspaper route that I did -with my mother- (groan), and temporary receptionist.

I eventually went back to AA, and then I quit the theater company and went back to barbershop (I had quit after a year 1/2 because I was working nights and had no money, and it isn't an inexpensive hobby). I've been back in barbershop ever since - even the 5 years in Scotland.

Low Self-esteem, a number of things I seem to be good at and have a heart for, along with the people-pleasing aspect of my personality combine to have provided me with a severe lack of focus on achieving anything. I'd hear someone say, "You should do XYZ, you'd be great at that." So I'd try it. Whether I wanted to or not, it was at least a direction to travel in... since I didn't know what I wanted. But I did and do know what I want. ** This is huge for me to say this ** I want to be paid to do music. Perform. Teach. Coach. Of course, the lack of self-worth doesn't make a very stable place to live emotionally when in a career that constantly rejects you (auditions, performing...). I didn't possess enough sense of self to be able to do that. I haven't 'fought' for anything that hard. Some things come easy for me, so I stick with that. Yet I know the big dreams take work, and I haven't bothered. Difficult to explain.

I believe God created me with a talent, desire & a passion for singing. It is hard for me as a performer to understand the effect other performers have on other people, as I'm pretty critical when I'm just listening as an audience member. So for a long time I have not believed people when they compliment me -- I am gracious and thank them, but in my head I negate every single nice thing that has been said.

All that is changing -- I'm only 39 -- it's only taken be 18 years or so to admit I've run away from things that are hard and difficult, because there has been an easier path that was just as appealing at the time to follow -- no heavy lifting required ;-)

I basically cried the entire week at Pepperdine -- listening to powerful music. Powerful for me because of who I am and what I believe. Frustrated with myself because I keep seem to be missing opportunities -- but that is really just not sticking with anything long enough to be prepared when the opportunities present themselves.

Fear Part I

I'm back. Rascal's fine :-) Himself survived. The dishes were done :-) Not sure what happened in the microwave, but a few minutes this morning has that sorted out.

Pepperdine, as usual, was beautiful and awesome. I didn't take time to reconnect with friends in the area -- too much going on. Didn't take one single picture.

It was 3 full days of reconnecting with God... catching up on the a cappella praise team music scene (and $100 worth of CD's), being convicted (or convinced...) that I've been running away from what is hard and difficult, and while still being scared and wussy about it, am committed to keeping myself open to whatever lies ahead.

Brief history. I started out as a vocal performance major at Pepperdine in 1985. I had auditioned for a music scholarship at the suggestion of my mother, and for lack of a better idea - did so, and they said they'd give me $2,000 to sing, $3,000 if I'd major in music. There were 3 other music majors my freshman year... so thinking they needed another one to round it out. Again, for lack of a better idea, I said yes, I'll be a vocal performance music major. (Voice: The only instrument made by God)

I didn't want to sing opera, or more specifically... I didn't want to sing in foreign languages. It is so extremely shallow, but hey - at least I'm honest about being lazy ;-). Music Theory was 3 days a week - sightsinging, eartraining and written theory; 1/2 hour piano lessons, 1-hour voice lessons, choir 3 days a week, had to be in the fall musical (Camelot), the spring Opera Workshop (The Medium by Carlo Menotti -- yay -an Italian who wrote one-act operas in English!!) along with the normal general classes. I was extremely insecure about any singing talent I had - and being in theory with the #1 Soprano and Bass of the Texas High School All-State choir (i.e., excellent sight-readers), I was not prepared for the competition I didn't want to be in. And Theory was kicking my butt.

Along with the normal insecurities (too fat, not pretty enough, out of shape, too poor blah blah blah) I ended up not returning to Pepperdine for my sophomore year - much to my mother's dismay. Cutting out all the reasons why, I returned in January of 1988 - went to London for summer school that summer, made a whole new group of friends, was scared off from going into Education (should have at least spoken to an advisor before making that decision!), flipped through my catalogue "no math, no science.... Hey - Public Relations" and I adored my major. I participated in all music things I wanted to- what a difference in attitude when I didn't "HAVE" to -- and graduated in December of 1990 with a PR major, English and Music minors.

have to get ready for work - part 2 coming later

Off to Malibu...

Off to Pepperdine for the Annual Bible Lectureships!

I've not been to my alma mater in a long time -- at least 9 years... the year himself & I got married, I think.

I've not been to lectures since '92 or '93 -- so am looking forward to some rock-the-house awesome a cappella singing in Firestone Fieldhouse _ "Oh Lord Our Lord" here I come!!

For a webcam view of the campus and surrounding area...
http://www.pepperdine.edu/virtualtour/

So... no online time for me this week -- which will be weird. I hope Rascal survives with himself in charge...

Later Peeps!

Otter Love & Monty Python

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epUk3T2Kfno

I saw something about the Otter's on yahoo's headlines... and found the YouTube video on someone's blog... definitely check it out -- VERY cute!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mej4RCMeogo

And for Spamalot Fun -- "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" - Trafalgar Square filled with folks with coconuts going for a World Record... kinda quirky.

13 Famous or Infamous People I share my birthday with

[1] Amy Grant (she's coming to Tucson for a fundraiser on Cinco de Mayo!)
[2] Christina Applegate
[3] Ben Stein (Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)
[4] Ricardo Montalban
[5] Carrie Nation (same spelling even!) - American Temperance Advocate
[6] Andrew Carnegie (True Scottish pronunciation is car-NEH-gee)
[7] Joe DiMaggio
[8] Rudolph Hoess (blech)
[9] John Larroquette
[10] Percy Sledge
[11] John F. Kennedy Jr.
[12] Brooke Haven (porn star, apparently)
[13] Barbara & Jenna Bush

*sorry I've been so quiet lately folks, work is kicking my pa-tootie!!

Thursday Thirteen, late again

I was inspired by "A Gentleman's Domain" for this one. Thanks N.

Thirteen Firsts I remember (though a probably more interesting post would be 13 firsts I DON'T remember...)

[1] My first dog - being woken up Christmas morning by a fat little puppy licking my face. Oh the joy!!!!!

[2] My (our) First House - In Scotland - 4 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bathrooms, only 13 feet with WITH an attached garage (yes, really), a little patch of garden (aka yard), and nice and convenient to the chippy. I miss our house.

[3] The first time I had my toes ... 'nuff said

[4] My first date. Dinner, movie... with an 'older guy'... good memories.

[5] My first (and only) speeding ticket. 45 in a 25 or 30 zone... if I hadn't had a job I would have had my license taken away (I was 16)

[6] The first time I cried over a news story. The Rodney King verdict and how L.A. hit the fan... in light of this last week's tragedy, I am crying more and more over the news. Which is why I avoid it whenever possible.

[7] My first real 'make-out' session - high school. S.K. & me in the back room of the choir room (it saw a lot of action) - making out during Advanced Women singing "Hey Jude, don't be afraid... take a sad song - and song was always under pitch- and make it bet-ter-er-er...." completely embarrassed at how the whole thing worked, feeling awkward. After 45 minutes I was a pro.

[8] My first blind date. -the lack of detail should speak for itself!-

[9] My first quartet competition. In the UK - Southport, England, 2000. We sucked. But it was a fabulous feeling!

[10] My first best friend, "basically bannister" -- met at Montessori school when we weren't even 5 years old. We're still in touch, sort of... I know I could call her up and we'd be caught up in no time.

[11] My first "real" dinner - I forgot to take the baggie of innards out of the cornish game hen. Tasted great though.

[12] My first irate call when I worked at American Airlines. 1992. Mr G*nsh*w (not sure of the spelling) couldn't confirm his billing address for his american express card... started swearing and yelling and I held it together to transfer the call -- I knew where she was sitting to go talk to her after I got off the phone because I could her her saying, "This is a business conversation, Mr. G and ...." and he'd hung up on her. I was shaking I was so upset. Creep.

[13] My first really embarrassing moment. I'm not easily embarrassed... but breaking a diving board -- well -- it is hard to live down. Yeah, Yeah, the guy said it had a crack in it... but holy cow!!

Thanks to PJ

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Just For Fun -- I AM THE THUMB

You Are the Thumb

You're unique and flexible. And you defy any category. Mentally strong and agile, you do things your own way. And you do them well. You are a natural leader... but also truly a loner. You inspire many but connect with few.

I know I'm getting old

I just don't get myspace. And I'm an internet addict. (did anyone see the study trying to figure out if internet addiction is a real ailment? I think it is just another substitute for a hole in a life... but that is another post that will take more time than I want to put into it right now, maybe ever, really.)

I mean, I met my awesome adorable himself on aol in 1997 -- (Jack, if you're reading this, you would have been maybe 10 or 11...) -- I'm pretty hip for 39... in many many ways... and I'm not knocking it by any means... the whole friends thing -- it reminds me of a popularity contest -- people I don't know, don't have anything in common with... requesting to be friends... online networking I get -- but "Hot Layouts" is obviously something I don't have on myspace profile or page... so why advertise where your audience isn't going to be?

And a part of me doesn't give a flying _______ about it -- but a part of me wants to be sure to keep up with technology, trends etc... though I think letting go of that needing to be 'in the know' is losing its grasp on me.... which is a relief. But for whatever reason, myspace frustrates me.

This makes me sound like a huge loser, I think... oh well. Yay. I don't care. (It is a big step for me to not care what people I don't know think about me... really...)

Happy Friday the 13th

It's raining!! Usually I sleep with the door cracked open, and this morning it was closed because it was really windy last night and it creaking back and forth would've driven me nuts... anyway -- I heard what sounded like rain, and thought "No one -- not ONE radio person said there even MIGHT be rain... !" Not that I'm complaining about rain -- we love here in the desert!! And it wasn't driving rain... more like spitting -- refreshing.

I'm grumpy today -- trying hard to come out of it -- went to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 and meant to be in bed by 8pm... luckily I hadn't gone to sleep 'cuz my cell rang at 9:03 with a panicked musical director on the other end... but all is well.

I'm loving my new job, but don't have time to say much! Off to work!!

Edited for grammar.

Thursday Thirteen A Day Late

oops. Just a few days ago it was Monday and I had plenty of time!!

Thirteen Names I Reject as Possible Quartet Names

1. Dry Heat
2. Tons-O-Fun
3. Freedom Fire
4. Double Down
5. LOL
6. Spitfire
7. All-In-One
8. Vocal Deluxe
9. Desert Heat
10. Mixed Nuts
11. Ring-A-Lings
12. Cactus Flowers
13. BaRing It! (would be cute for a YWIH/Rising Star quartet!!)

In Honor of an anniversary

Yerdoingitwrong has an blog-a-versary April 4th. And today (April 6th) is our 9 year first wedding anniversary (The Scotland -Legal- ceremony in North Berwick, Scotland). So in honor of anniversaries:

1. What is your favorite kind of milkshake?

Oreo Cookie

2. What is your fantasy job?

Leading Lady in Musicals

3. Do you consider yourself a "neat freak" or can you handle a little mess?

Some things are a mess, other things are orderly. I prefer orderly (organized), but my priorities aren't in keeping things clean or put away -- life's too short. I hate routine, but there is a certain freedom in keeping good house habits... slowly but surely I'm getting better.

4. What are your thoughts about tattoos?

I believe a little tattoo goes a long way.

5. Where would you go on your fantasy vacation? Who would you want to be with you?

I'll have to get back to this one... have to get ready for work!

mileage

I just looked at the route I walked yesterday morning -- 1.5 miles! I thought an hour was a long time! Whoo-hoo! And this morning we did 3/4 mile. I am feeling the difference in my stamina with my back (YYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYY), and I think we're learning how to "good walk" -which means I'm not going for a pull... this morning was rather staid - a nice steady pace, but not a constant straining forward by Rascal :D

The job is going great - will write more when things have evened out a little bit. I was there 8am - 6pm yesterday -- and not thinking of food -- When I'm so busy and thinking about stuff that I don't think about when and what to eat, THAT is a VERY good thing!!

Proverbs 25:15 ~ sounds pretty close...

"Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone."

Thanks to pal L (tenor in new quartet) for her 'can't resist a challenge' personality :D :D

* - * - * - * - * - * - * - *
Just for the record: I was up BEFORE 5am... dressed, had chocolate milk, sent an email as proof I was up, dressed & functioning at 5:07 am -- and now at 6:32 am I've still not had any coffee! Walked Rascal - took him on a long walk this morning cuz he got gypped yesterday :-(.

It helped to go to bed at 9:15pm.

*pats self on back* :D :D

It's Thursday AGAIN?!

Dang, where DID the week go?!!

13 Things I can see from my desk/computer area:

[1] Quilt Calendar -- ever since doing "Quilters" in college, I have plans to actually BE a quilter... I consider scrapbooking kind of like quilting with paper. My mom does calendars every year with all family members birthdays - and this year's calendar is awesome, and it came complete with the quilting pictures patterns!

[2] Old Sticky notes {1} Acount number for something, a number I don't know what it is for, "scan photos of Dan" "Paper piece prickly pear" {2} 2/7/07 "Anti-procrastination Wednesday" Card Class- create 2 cards {3} Project Index - list project ideas - instructions, what pieces I have and where I stored them. well, I've just tossed 2 of them!

[3] Inspirational quotes related to consistency and persistence, such as "Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries." ~ James Michener. This paper is neon green and taped to my

[4] Cabinet himself attached to the wall - holds all sorts of fun stuff, not quite organized, but getting there. I can smell the Incense I keep in there mmmmmmm....

[5] paper clip holder

[6] "The Thing" a friend made for me when he took his pottery class in college. So funny because he thought it was going to be an easy A, and he had to do more for that class than most of his advanced business classes... I use it to hold pens and stuff I'm not quite sure what to do with.

[7] Avon 'Naturals' - Plumeria Body Lotion. Not wild about it, but ya know, it gets dry here in the desert!

[8] A Stack of Barbershop quartet CD's I need to burn onto my hard drive.

[9] My calendar, open to April -- already very full.

[10] Glass of water

[11] Magnet board with more out-of-date stuff on it - a Fringe Festival postcard from 2003, a Scottish train postcard... I think it is the train used in the Harry Potter movies... but I could be wrong... a magnetic calendar you get from realtors you don't know, still on January, a Scotland Flag magnet that has a temperature thingey, it looks like it reads 71 degrees, a weiner dog magnet - couldn't resist a bargain at Target, an Arizona clip magnet with I'm not sure what kind of old papers clipped to it -- looks like last summer's plans to go visit my pal in Calif., my old Fellowship Square nametag (it's magnetic), "It's good to be queen" magnet, a 10% off salon service -- a gal from chorus moved salons and drumming up a clientele.... and a list of albums and album projects I want to do -- woefully out of date.

[12] my back scratcher. I love, adore *delight in* having my back scratched. himself isn't all that interested and gets bored quickly -- he really hasn't bothered to learn how it can lead to more nooky... his loss. I have 2 backscratchers in the house... I've been known to scratch my back against a corner I've been so itchy. Scratching my back is an extreme pleasure. I also like have foot massages.

[13] The 4-packs of clear ornaments I bought at Michael's to decorate for Christmas gifts last year. They're unopened, undecorated... I seriously need to have that Christmas in July Craft Weekend -- get started on what kind of Christmas cards I want to do, what crafts I need to start working on... yikes.

ta da!

Funny 13 entry (parental guidance suggested)

ahhhhh... Coffee

Sometimes the first sip of coffee in the morning is just like sipping nectar of the Gods ~ this was one of those mornings... took Rascal for a walk... we're still mostly going for a 'pull' -- came back, heated up yesterday's coffee (it was even OLD coffee!) - milk, splenda -- unloaded the dishwasher while it heated up in the microwave. First sip -- just splendid :D !

I'm still yawning etc... I've worked both days I usually have off, and will be working the rest of this week -- love what I'm doing but the mornings have always been hard. So again, Thank the good Lord for giving us the intelligence to create Coffee!!

Go here to read a brilliant haiku on coffee (down the page a bit....)

Happy Hump-Day!

blog things

Found this on Kat's blog...

You're a Pack Rat in Training

You know those crazy old people with a ton of video tapes and cats? Well, you're training to be one. Time to do some spring cleaning. Even if it isn't spring!

Are You a Pack Rat?

More Changes

My Phoenix quartet is breaking up for certain. I was in fantasyland I guess, thinking that we'd re-register and wait out the time that the bass needed for her family. No one else had that thought, apparently. Reality strikes and I'm bummed.

I think I've already pissed off a someone in my new job...

Here's pictures of cute dogs at the 4th Avenue Street Fair a week ago Sunday:


5 dogs - seated in a row, with little hats the guy was selling... how cute are they?!!

Tucson Desert Harmony chorus won 3rd at Region 21 contest this past Saturday - 607 points - 6 points over last year's score (YAY!) - Scottsdale Chorus won with 724 points, San Diego came in 2nd place, and in the quartet contest One Voice quartet (with TDH's assistant director singing Bass) won the quartet contest with 609 points. If Hearts Afire had competed and not improved at all in our scores, we would have placed 10th.

I'm excited about the new local quartet that is forming -- different goals than the Phoenix quartet, and I have a different focus now, so that will make it different, too... we meet next week for the 2nd time.

ETA: I keep forgetting the little label thingey!

One of my most favorite quotes

When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.

Joseph Campbell

and a worthy runner up:
The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.

Joseph Campbell

Sunday Sense - Evidence that you can't believe everything on the internet!

"Be patient and you will finally win, for a soft tongue can break hard bones."
Proverbs 28:13 Quotations for Inspiration webpage (overcoming obstacles)
and Bible Quotes


My NIV version says:
"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Proverbs 28:13

Two different websites have the same quote and reference -- I liked it, so went to double check the chapter and verse, and now I'm puzzled. Anyone got any ideas on the true place the first quote might be found?

The Message bible says:
"You can't whitewash your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them."

I just googled "Proverbs 28:13" and came up with the correct verse. When I googled the entire quote, I got the 2nd incorrect site.

Sunday Sense is supposed to be my favorite quotes -- it morphed into fact finding... but hey, it made me open my Bible -- always a good thing :-)

Rascal's One Month Anniversary Today

I can hardly believe it. And I've walked him *e*v*e*r*y* S*I*N*G*L*E **morning** yay us!!!

I'm still all fat and out of shape -- but I can feel the difference!! I'm thinking I'm going to give up my Curves membership and joing the YMCA - they have a pool and reclining bicycle thing -- I can feel my knees not doing too good, and swimming, water aerobics and cycling will all help not put weight on my knees. I love Curves, but summer in Arizona ... well, it ain't pretty and I'm not tolerant.

Right now the weather is perfect -- it was 44 low last night, and will be about 80 today -- 80 is warm for me, but the mornings are sooo beauteous!!

We Watched "Eight Men Out" last night - 1988 movie about the Chicago White Sox Scandal of 1919... a little confusing -- which makes me look stuff up, not a bad thing. John Cusack, David Strathairn, Charlie Sheen, Christopher Lloyd, D.B. Sweeney -- great cast. I enjoyed it -- himself thought it was just okay. We both think that if most baseball games could be as exciting as movies depict, it would be less like watching paint dry.

It is official - I have a new job! I'll post more on it later - but I'm stoked! Still part time, 20 hours a week, a little more money, and lots of projects to take on!

I had NO idea....

That "Thursday 13" is a world unto itself!! Visitor Ensie (whose blog I visited) linked this site in her blog -- and a whole new world has opened up!!

Taken from the Thursday 13 FAQ page:

• Thursday Thirteen is a community of folks who go around visiting and linking others, and leaving links. You’ll see that with the code in place and your participation, your blog traffic will increase, people have the opportunity to get to know you - and what they see on your Thirteens will most likely determine whether or not your blog becomes a regular stop for your visitors.
• The Thursday Thirteen is popular because it works. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met myself that I wouldn’t have met otherwise. It. Works. Don’t cheat the system, and it won’t cheat you.

Thursday Thirteen

There's a blog I read that has a "thursday thirteen" and I like that -- random stuff about the week...

[1] I might be changing jobs

[2] Rascal's one month adoption to our family is this Saturday. Holy Moly.

[3] I think I may be having a different Easter Dinner at a friend's -- eastern european traditional food... I'll let you know how the beet, horseradish & sauerkraut goes!

[4] Firesigns... think that's a good name for a quartet? (Vonnie -- shhhhh! ;-)

[5] Did a sing-a-long with the seniors on Wednesday -- it was fun!

[6] The jewelry (paper clay pins) class with the seniors on Saturday also went really well!

[7] 13 unique things... not easy.

[8] Went to the 4th Avenue St Fair on Sunday afternoon -- two hours of walking - I only bought cinammon cashews for my adorable himself, because he gave me $15 'pocket money' -- I'm pretty broke right now and that just warms my insides!!

[9] Didn't go to church on Sunday, anywhere -- can't afford the gas to my regular congregation... and am ambiguous about going 'back' to my 'home' congregation.

[10] Didn't clean my house Monday morning -- and am feeling rotten about it. Promised myself I'll be consistent, otherwise Rascal Hair is my newest fashion accessory.

[11] Tuesday I sang for a friend's neighbor's mom's 75th birthday - "I Surrender All" (or, in our hymnal "All To Jesus I Surrender") and "Amazing Grace" - a cappella. The mom had seen Faith Hill sing 'I Surrender All' on Oprah, and has gone crazy looking for a recording, she loved it so much, only to find Faith Hill hasn't recorded it. She said I was every bit as good as Faith Hill *blush* It was really really neat - and I wasn't nervous at all at all...

[12] Went to my first Tucson Girls Chorus Board Meeting monday night -- ooh yeah, that's what I did all day Monday (!) -- I'm doing PR/Marketing and I wrote my first Press Release since college. yeah, it took me awhile :-)

[13] I'm so proud of myself for walking a minimum of a quarter mile every morning with my doggie. Most mornings are half a mile, and Tuesday morning we did a mile (I thought he was a bit knackered!). I found out about this google site, which brings up a map of what zipcode you enter (i.e., my neighborhood) and you can figure out walking distances -- gmaps pedometer! It is WAY COOL! And saves me from driving around the neighborhood to see how far I've been walking! I saw it in a recent issue of Real Simple Magazine.

wow... it gets easier as you go.

Busy Day!

Cleaned house - termite guy here for inspection - PR/Marketing meeting for Tucson Girls Chorus - mom here - watched "Stranger Than Fiction" with Emma Thompson, Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhall, Tom Hulce (didn't recognize him... you know, the guy who played Amadeus in the movie "Amadeus"...!!) -- good film, I liked it :-)

Rascal isn't settling down with people in the house - he's barked at my mom the entire time, unless she's sitting at his level... on the couch, outside... weird. He's only been here two weeks, and his 2 1/2 year life before us was full of upheaval, so maybe it is just that he needs more time to be sure that no one will be taking him away...

Before I die...

.
Here's just a beginning of the list:
.
.
Write a book (published would just be a bonus, really)
.
Record a music CD (of my own music, of other people's music... not picky)
.
Be an expert (or just really really knowledgeable) about one thing, or one person (or both...?)
.
Be an barbershop arranger

It's 93 degrees

... and I've turned my A/C on. Happy St. Patrick's Day

ugh.

What brings me joy here and now

Our Dog * organizing * fresh coffee * hot showers * cool mornings * scrapping * meeting new friends * new challenges * a shiny sink * oatmeal for breakfast * Hershey's "Take 5" candy bar * early morning walks with Rascal * unexpected handmade cards in the mail from friends *

One of the worst movies I've seen

Is "Run Robbie Run" -- himself put it on the list to come to the house on the recommendation of Dusty from work... for a bad movie it was mostly well-acted, and had some big cameos (Jeff Goldbum, Ben Stiller... and the pain of watching this wretched movie was slightly worth it to see Mandy Patankin's part... but only if you're a MP fan.)

Rascal's Foster mommy came to visit today - and everyone is so happy he is here -- he's happy, she's happy and we're thrilled. PLUS -- she has three boxes of stamps, inks & goodies for me to "foster mommy" while she and her hubby remodel their house. How fun it is to have new toys to play with!!

Tomorrow I'm getting together with some gals from my chorus to see if we are potentially right as a barbershop quartet -- a local one. I'm excited.

Cutest Rascal Picture Yet

I mean... how can you resist this face?!

Gave him his first bath today... we didn't get terribly clean because he wasn't feelin' the love... but he stood pretty quietly, and liked the rubdown... and he didn't go immediately and roll around in the dirt (like some other dogs I've had in the past)... so I'm going to call it a success!

I also vacuumed floors, caught up on laundry, did significant cleaning damage in the kitchen, started marinating steak for dinner... and sort of cleaned up the pile of paper on my desk -- not hugely clean, but at can glimpse my desk now, rather than assume that is what is holding up all the crap sitting on top :-).

Watched "The Prestige" last night - Hugh Jackman, Michael Caine, Christian Bale, Scarlett Johansson, and even David Bowie. I enjoyed it a lot!! I couldn't predict the end, which is something I appreciate :-)

Off to re-arrange my craft space...

The Week --

Well, we've had Rascal one full week today. He's awesome. We've gone for a walk every morning, and I've been up at 5:40 am twice this week -- knowing that by 7am it is too darn hot for me to be walking, I've been going to bed at reasonable hours which means less tv, less computer, more dog. That is a good thing. We went to the vet for our first visit/introduction/wellness check that is required by FAIR ~ even the vet said we lucked out and got a great dog!!

He seems to be 'quite content in himself' - as himself says... which means he like to hang out in the yard, he can get a little hyper twice a day -- all our bolster sized pillows have been moved to safer locations... since he's king of the house we have to be trained, don't we? He got a hold of an odor eater from himself's shoe, and my slipper was in the living room one day -- but no damage (whew!). He'll sit, and seems to have calmed down a little in the licking department -- he doesn't think we really serious when we're going to bed -- he'll come in and check to make sure we're not faking him out... it's kinda funny... now that he's stopped jumping up on the bed to make sure we're not faking :-)

I got on the treadmill yesterday morning after our walk and walked for 30 minutes - yay me! And this morning I got on and after 12 minutes it bleeped and went dead... so have to have himself come have a look.

So -- the dog is helping us be better adults, which is good.

We watched "The Intrepreter" last night with Nicole Kidman & Sean Penn -- really like Sean Penn. The acting was excellent, the story a bit on the weak side... but entertaining, and that is what it is all about! Himself rented 'Flags of our Fathers' and watched that night before last.

Still waiting is "The Prestige" with Hugh Jackman, "Finding Neverland" and some movie a guy at himself's work recommended, "Run Donny Run" -- so we'll probably watch a couple tonight.

Counted up how many pages I've scrapped - 48 since the beginning of the year! Not all of them are done, or journalled -- but now that I think (I *hope*!) I've got all the pictures developed I may be close to finished 2003! It may turn into 3 volumes -- ack. I've set a goal of 40 pages a month for my client... and am thinking if I continue to do the page kits for my own personal scrapping to travel with -- then I can do client's scrapping during the week - 10 pages a week isn't outrageous...

Yesterday I helped with a Youth Rally for church - helped kids check in on Friday night - then was one of 3 adults that went and did an ice cream social for a low-income/senior government apartment complex. The activities they have are all done by volunteers that live in the building (over 400 residents), and I'm hoping we'll be able to get the church youth group involved with a regular volunteering to help out with their parties etc... stuff like decorating, helping cook, clean up and serve food, along with visiting and just hanging out. We had 7 kids, and we served 79 folks -- and I think the kids had fun, I know I did.

Of course, I obsessed over what the kids and other youth minister guy were thinking of me - was I too bossy, was I being a micro-manager, was it going well enough and was anyone blaming me for anything... Maybe this is why I am intimated by this generation's kids -- they're smart-lipped, not kind, and with my sucky self esteem it doesn't help me think better of myself. I usually feel miserable after hanging out with kids -- whereas I always feel fabulous after hanging out with the older folks.

After we came back I hung out with a gal who was on the older fringes of the youth group of my church growing up (same town, different congregation at the moment, but I'm planning to going to my old congregation this morning)... and we just cracked ourselves up -- but then I was sort of at a loss, so I went and sat at the Pepperdine table (the organizer of the youth rally had contacted Christian Colleges to send her stuff - so we had ACU, LCU, OCU, Harding, Cascade and maybe some others) and talked to some kids -- told one talented musician if she wanted to be a professional musician she should start researching music conservatories...

Then the singing started and I sat at the back -- knew some songs, didn't know others, felt completely isolated - thought I probably did it to myself. I was going to stay for the concert, but then found out the concert would be more of the singing -- and I wanted to hear better singing than that (I can be a real snob, eh?!) -- and I was feeling very teary and emotional ~ and hadn't told himself that I'd be late - told him I'd be home around 6pm - so I left... cried most of the way home and couldn't really tell anyone why. I just kept thinking I feel so "Less Than" -- and couldn't resist myself with the thought "I Am Enough" -- my leftover mantra from 'Starting Over' - miss that show!!

But yet it was a good day -- weird.

Called himself to see if he wanted something from the grocery store before I got home - and he thankfully said "Pizza" - so I got pizza, ice cream, yogurt, soda, bagels (I was starving in the store...) and chips ahoy cookies -- cuz they sounded really good. Then we ate pizza, watched 2 1/2 men (love that show -- Jon Cryer is the perfect foil for Charlie Sheen -- the whole cast is awesome), then ice cream and the movie. And asleep before 11pm -- yay!

So why I was all sad and weird I'm not sure -- my inner committee obviously was being negative and I wasn't really noticing, perhaps? Trying to please everyone instead of just God?

And the treadmill went dead this morning -- but himself just got up and looked at it and the cord that connects to the machine had come loose... at the time this morning though I knew it was SATAN!! Trying to get me to fail -- because I was happily walking along at 2.5 mph -- had only been on it for about 12 minutes... relieved that it was something minor - yay God :D.

Gotta get showered to get to church :-)

Sunday Morning with Rascal

I got home last night from the crop around 1:00 am -- Rascal announced my arrival ( I could hear him bark a couple times as I pulled into the driveway and walked through the gate... good dog!), and barked a couple more times as I unlocked the door and came in. Very happy he announces people approaching. We also brought a friend over for himself to look at her computer, and Rascal was leery ~ when he rolled over on his back for his belly to be rubbed, and T rubbed his belly, she was then okay. :-) And really, aren't we all pretty satisfied when we get our bellies rubbed ;-)

So I got on the computer for a little while after setting up the coffee maker - Rascal had disappeared, and as I sat down to the pc, I see his head pop up from the couch. So he found his bed okay.... *hee hee*

This morning I woke up before the alarm, got up and got dressed and took Rascal for a slow walk around our street. By the time we got home he was completely peed out... male dogs are different for me -- I'm not used to the way they pee and walk at the same time... ick. And now the neighborhood dogs knows he is here.

He had knee-cap surgery 3 1/2 weeks ago - just got his cast off a week or so ago. His foster mom didn't know what caused the floating kneecap - he'd been in a kennel for at least 3 months and FAIR (Foundation for Animals In Risk), the organization we adopted him from, rescues animals from the humane society as well as strays and "Found" animals and they never put animals down. They must have just rescued him within the last month or so. He's been neutered, microchipped, has a 3-year rabies shot, and his other shots.

When we walked into Petsmart, which has FAIR come in with a few animals every Saturday from 10am to 3pm (or something close to those hours), we both spotted Rascal and knew he was the dog for us. The dog in the kennel cage next to him was barking non-stop and being kinda hyper in his cage, and Rascal was just laid back, nonchalant and not letting the chaos get to him. We watched a lady come put a pink tag on the outside of his cage, and both of us thought that meant he was spoken for. I went over to read more closely what it said, and it was just his information (Name, weight, age, breed, personality & special needs if any). The lady who had put the tag on the cage starting talking to me, and she was his 'foster mom' who'd taken care of him after his surgery, and had had him for over 3 weeks.

It was hard for her to leave, you could tell she loved him... I don't know if I could foster animals like that, it would break my heart! She just raved about him as just a love of a dog -- and he is. He isn't needy -- but every 15 or 20 minutes he'll come over to whatever I'm doing and need a pat or attention for a few seconds, then happily goes on his way. Perfect. Helps me keep track of time, but isn't whining or destructive with the attention his needs.

He doesn't know how to walk on a leash... right now it is more 'going for a pull' for me - he's 60 lbs, 2 1/2 years old, a Lab/Shepherd/Pit Bull mix. We loved his name so just need to get used to it.

He slept through the night, was happy to see me when I came into the living room and said good morning -- nice his nose wasn't in my face at 6:30 am :-) Though once he came back inside from going outside, he nosed himself up... *hee hee* -- so himself was up early (7:15 am or so).

I think after church I'll give him a bath... we'll see.

Meet Rascal!

More details later... but we love him!!!

Random

I think we're going to get a dog tomorrow... we've been talking about it for awhile.

I'm the newest board member for the Tucson Girls Chorus -- and already have some projects and tasks to work on.

Thought today that hub and I should have our own Residential Care Facility for Seniors (non-medical) -- it is a 24/7 business, but we have a house that would work, and I have the heart for it, and the senior market is the business to be in.

That put me back thinking about taking my singing and crafting to the smaller private senior care residences as a job... again, have the heart and passion for it -- and even the business resource to ask for advice. And no one is doing it. And there is a huge need for it.

Superman Returns - I like the idea of the movie, and I like the actor who had such big shoes to fill. But it was so freakin' LONG!! Holy Cow! But it was dark... and I'm talking about literally dark -- the red cape isn't really red, it is a maroon... it looked like it was trying to be all moody like the Batman movies -- c'mon... it's SUPERMAN.

I got two pages scrapped on Tuesday -- and have high hopes for tomorrow - will give himself a chance to bond with the dog while I go crafting and scrapping.

My knee hurts, and my ankle hurts, weak-like. Haven't been to Curves yet. Haven't walked on the treadmill yet. Times gettin' shorter...

sleep now.

Tomb of Jesus -- nothing like a little controversy!!

March 4th the Discovery Channel will air a documentary (with heavyweights like James Cameron behind it...) regarding the [supposed] discovery of Jesus' family Tomb. Yes, I'm a mite skeptical. I'll be watching it anyway, though... what is it... keep your friends close but your enemies closer?! Not saying they're my enemies... but certainly not the truth I believe in.

I came across this blog that makes some good comments. A long read, but I think what he says is worth thinking about.

What Accent do you have?

My Answer: The West. Fun Stuff

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The South
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Doin' the Happy Dance

...cuz my Christmas tree is undecorated, un-lighted and now in himself's room to be put away in the box. It will probably be in there for a couple months, but I'm certainly not throwing any stones. ha! That place at the wall where it was looks a little empty, but we're decorating our living room, ooops, I mean our "home theatre" (yeah right!) with movie posters - so far we have Breakfast at Tiffany's, Star Wars, The Godfather, Braveheart & a poster of Marilyn Monroe. (One day maybe I'll post a picture of the living room wall in Scotland in our flat in which himself had put up Marilyn Monroe black & white wall paper. really. cuz it was on sale. yep. a reason Scotsman are called 'thrifty' or 'mean' or 'tight' -- it was kinda retro cool, actually -- but to me more befitting of a fifties bathroom or something... ) We have a movie 'clapper' thing-a-majig on the wall, and I have my Cinderella whatsit that came with the special edition DVD. I also have a few 12 x 12 musical theatre movie posters from last year's calendar which I'm not sure where I put them for safe keeping... *Sigh* We can seat 5 with excellent viewing to the screen, and floor room, for those who can do that (I will again soon....). So the room is taking shape...

Anyhoo....

It is 5:52 pm - himself gets off work at 6pm - I've done his laundry, half of mine, unloaded the dishwasher and loaded it, put away the clean dishes lying out on the counter and emptied the kitchen garbage can. I talked to my friend who came over to watch the Oscars with me for over an hour -- she's always fun to talk to - had to go plug my phone in cuz the battery started dying; then talked to another friend for 43 minutes (doncha love cell phones?)... but I've not dressed or even brushed my teeth. gross, huh? I'm getting ready to go brush my teeth in a minute. I'm thinking I'll go walk for 1/2 an hour in front of HGTV and then maybe shower... haven't spent a second figuring out what I'm going to sing on Wednesday -- but started an email to a guy I want to hire to record songs *I* want to sing in *MY* key (vs. canned music aka Karaoke backtracks), which I think will make a huge difference in my attitude of pursuing singing.

I watched Diana Ross on Inside the Actor's Studio (love that TiVo!) -- and as usual I cry -- I'm thinking long and hard about what I'm wanting to express here.... In many ways I have a lot of fear when it comes to performing and following that dream. The opportunities music and acting give musicians and actors regarding emotional release is something I envy. It is a safe environment for delving into darker worlds and emotions that *I* don't want to live in real life. To explore human-ness and all that we are is fascinating to me -- I often wish I had pursued psychology (since I was a chicken wuss and didn't pursue performing) -- the thought of more school back then was daunting (cuz everyone knew/knows you have to have at minimum a master's degree in psych or counseling to achieve any kind of career in it...) -- but acting and to a lesser extent, singing, those activities (jobs, careers, opportunities) can give a performer an opportunity to cross over to "the dark side" without having to live there or stay there, but to become a stronger person having seen it. I don't know if I'm making sense.

These thoughts clarified themselves watching Diana Ross talk -- I now want to see "Lady Sings the Blues" -- YET while watching her sing on the show, I didn't see her communicating as much as I saw her emoting [the same emotion].

Relating to my fear - fear of hard work, fear of rejection, fear of being out of my comfort zone - which is going to those dark places and being afraid I wouldn't come out... afraid of my physical self and of showing too much of who I am that I don't want others to see...

I saw Babel -- excellent film (with similarities to Crash for the small vignettes, only tied together with a thin thread that isn't obviously kept from the audience, that being said, sure am glad I didn't see it with step-dad... he's a nightmare to watch anything with, really!!). I'm not sure why Cate Blanchett was nominated, I think she's a fab actress, certainly.... but I certainly understand why Rinko Kikuchi was. Wow. Her performance in this film, everything she emotes, shows, goes through, takes off... it all sums up perfectly why I didn't pursue musical theatre or acting.

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Oscars:
Oops... realize now that it was Letters from Iwo Jima that was nominated, NOT Flags ... easily confused, being directed by the same director (Clint Eastwood) ... thrilled Sunshine got Best Original Screenplay, Thrilled Helen Mirren got Best Actress, Thrilled Jennifer Hudson got Best Supporting, Really Really Happy for Forrest Whitaker for Best Actor, Thrilled for Martin Scorsese on his First (so hard to believe) Oscar for Directing -- a bit surprised The Departed got Best Picture -- but it was a tight, well-put together and well-acted movie.

Where does one see the Best Shorts -- "West Bank Story" is a musical take off on West Side Story about Israel & Pakistan between two Falafel Stands. Really, this is a must see. The short clip shown was might funny -- and humor almost always drives home the point better than anything else.
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Saw Man of the Year with Robin Williams, Laura Linney & Christopher Walken -- very mis-represented movie. Not a bad movie, just not what it was presented and advertised as, and that is just bait and switch, ya know?!

I'm trying to keep track of all the movies we've seen -- and I just lose track. We saw Flyboys a few nights ago -- long movie. They sacrificed some of the acting on some beautiful cinematography -- really cool dogfight in the air scenes... another fair movie.

Waiting to be seen on top of the DVD player is:

• Flushed Away
• Rumor Has It
• Finding Neverland
• Superman Returns

hah. no wonder I'm moaning about all my wasted time...

Time by myself

There's a reason I do a lot of stuff. So I don't have to listen to my own thoughts. Where does this crap in my head come from?! It is paralyzing. Makes me want to run away - I just had a blissful time at mom's with my nose in a book for 2 days -- I don't read anymore unless I'm on an airplane, that is how busy I always feel -- something else I need to be doing. Escape -- that is my purpose in saying yes to so many people and projects.

Today I have nothing on my calendar. Tomorrow same. Monday I've got some gals coming over to sing... (another post), Tuesday is scrapping. Wednesday I'm singing. Saturday is scrapping. An easy week. It is dangerous for me to have open days with no nagging goal in sight. Just opportunity to be on my own with my own thoughts and messy house & messy himself.

Even the 15 minute rule today seems too much. Everywhere I look there is a surface covered with stuff that isn't in the right place. The chaos of my home reflects the chaos of my mind... a quote I read on flylady - and it is true. There are some days I seem to be better at ignoring and can do stuff -- but even with people coming over tomorrow to watch the Oscars, I still have very little motivation, okay, honestly NO motivation to take down the flippin' Christmas Tree.

*sigh* I think it is hormonal - and I know it will pass and I'll feel better... the trick is to do IT (whatever it is at the time) despite how I *feel* (for that is the essence of self-discipline). I'm such a feel-y person that I don't check in with my brain, instead letting all the emotions run things -- and at 39, it still ain't workin' for me real well. [duh]

Just typing that paragraph helps me feel better. Set my timer. 15 minutes to clear my craft table so I can at least scrap today. Thanks for listening :-)

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Academy Awards:

I've seen all but 'Babel' now -- films up for Best Picture Awards. So far I'm rooting for The Queen, or Little Miss Sunshine. The Departed was well acted but a bit graphically violent for me, and Flags Of Our Fathers was good, meaningful and well-meaning, but I don't think all the elements came together for a Best Picture. Helen Mirren was outstanding in The Queen. Leonardo Di Caprio was also excellent in the Departed. No cast member stands out in Sunshine, they as an ensemble were all really fab. If you haven't seen it, you should -- funny funny! But also a great message. No one really stands out individually or even as an ensemble to me in Flags.

Fighting Cynicism (or, Another Whine... where's my cheese?)

I was going to show pictures of himself looking for and finding 41 hearts that I hid all over the house for his Valentine/Birthday celebration -- it was a very private affair this year - not a quartet to embarrass him in sight!! *heh heh* -- but I've not downloaded the pix yet.

But I ran across a blog that had someone talking about fighting cynicism, and I thought that was pretty relevant to me... I don't want to believe the worst of people, but I often do. I don't want to be gullible -- why? The world makes fun of gullible people -- so!? What is wrong with having the trust (with plenty of wisdom thrown in) of a child.... [here comes the cynic...] because not all people are nice. Not all people are kind. Not all people are gentle or have your best interest in mind. Hmmmm... a song there?

[random thought having nothing to do with cynicism...]

I'm incredibly self-involved. Pathetically so. I don't want to be anymore. I want the good I feel for doing good, kind, nice things to be a side effect of the good deed... not the good feeling to be the purpose why I do it - for people to know that I have gifts... holy cow it sounds horrible when I put it out there in black and white.

Ouch. My truth mirror is not showing me in my best light, and that doesn't happen very often - I manipulate very well, usually.

So what is my point? I'm not sure I have one. I'm not in a bad space, my negative week was a couple weeks ago and I got through it okay -- himself & I talked about the grocery issue (!) and what all that means... we're going to be getting a dog with the birthday money his mum sent him...

I'm going to sign up for the Susan G. Komen 5K fun walk - I haven't officially signed up yet, but when I do I'll post the link and when/if people sponsor me, it will help me have a goal for my fitness & exercise -- not just a general "to be in better shape." Nope, I need external motiviation... people counting on me (which I resist and groan and moan about, but that is definitely what makes me do stuff!). The walk is at Reid Park on the Sunday after Easter - 9 weeks away. When I started searching for info I started looking at the running sites, too -- I was forced to run in jr. high - Coach Robertson was my arch-foe.... but maybe to get to the point that I could *start* running again without killing my knees would be a goal to strive for in my fitness efforts.

The SU consultant deposited my check too early - and I was doing really well keeping that $20 in my account... grrrrrrr... not happy.

Okay, enough randomness for now -- gotta go waste more time on the 'net.