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I just found out a couple hours ago that a special relative has died. My dad called at 8:10 pm and I saw his number on the caller ID and knew it was bad news. My sister is cancer-free and just finished her last radiation treatment wednesday, so I wasn't thinking it was her. I was expecting an beloved uncle to have passed away, but instead it was one of my dad's favorite cousins, BK. She had a massive stroke yesterday, her family was told if she lived she would be a vegetable, and was taken off life support at 5pm. She passed away with her family there around midnight. I'm still so sad. Sad for her kids and grandkids. Sad for her close cousins who live near her, who are MY favorite cousins. I got off the phone with my dad and then had to call my mom and tell her.

I could hardly get the words out, and am welling up right now thinking of it again. I'm feeling the grief for everyone else's loss more than for myself -- my mom who is her age, maybe slightly older. I'm feeling grief that we are all aging and that we all will lose or have already lost someone near and dear to us. I'm crying for the day when I will lose my mom.

My mom and I are planning to go to the funeral - my dad's side of the family is so close, and it had been a year since I saw them all (last April for beloved great uncle SOB & CJ's 60th wedding anniversary), and I love them all so very very much. I know my mom still misses being around that clan :-) That knowledge, that we'll be out of town for a few days, will kick my packing in gear, as I won't have the whole week I was thinking I had.

I'm so glad I'm home to be here for these times. Feeling the sadness isn't what I'm glad for, of course, but that I can be here to mourn with those who are mourning, and be here to be there for my mom. Words fail me.