Sunday, July 16, 2006


What a week!!!

I scrapped for 38 hours Friday - Monday -- yay!! Got lots of pages done, and more stuff to do more pages! It was awesome seeing my pal who now lives in China, stay with her mom & dad (her dad washed my car, even!), and just have nothing to do but scrap.

I then went to Sacramento to see my favorite cousin (second cousin, really) -- and what a world of difference. On the way up I called one of my oldest friends (have known her since 2nd grade, Parkview Elementary when it was new, in San Jose, CA) and arranged to see her Thursday night for dinner and saw her mom (who hasn't hardly changed), her two kids, and her husband. It was a fabulous night.

Back to my cousins -- I love her so dearly, and when I was in my 20's I could handle the chaos that is her life and her house, but as I'm aging, I realize that I can't take it for as long. This will be an annual trek to California, but 3 nights is too long. My heart aches for her -- she is raising her 3 year old grandson, who has some developmental delays, but is a sweet boy. Two of her three daughters are not coping with life very well, and the one who is coping terrifically only can do so because of the boundaries she has to set with her mother.

And what a woman of faith. There is such a sweetness to her, and such love, and such generosity of spirit and of self. I want to go in and wave my magic wand and fix it all. Yet my own house isn't in order... I haven't got my own routines set yet, but I did leave her with the 15 minute magic rule! And perhaps it will help.

I taught a craft class Saturday at my former place of work, and it went really really well!! Today I've paid some bills, went and got some more storage solutions, and made a long list of things to do, some of which I've done -- some of which I dread, and some are just never ending. But life is good. Oh so good. I'm busy and I love it. God is so good. Himself still surprises me with the depth of his feelings... he doesn't give a flip about 95% of anything I say or do, so when he does I'm floored... oblivious, really.

I'm trying to avoid being the middle person between our landlady (my mother) and himself... and in trying to avoid a huge karfuffle, I hurt his feelings, and have felt crappy about it since I found out. I couldn't figure out why he was aloof and kinda rude with me earlier this morning (I was just making lunch) -- and so I harbored all sorts of dark, stormy thoughts of all the things wrong with HIM (hrumph!), and then when he told me why he was upset -- HOURS later.... so like a man (!!) I felt bad. I've apologized, but it seems there is a bit of trust gone. argh. I wish he'd told me AT THE TIME, so we could have worked it out... but no, he let it fester and is now being kinda childish altogether and refuses to have a conversation with the landlady about it. 'm frustrated so I'm not as nicey nice as I probably should be with the male bruised ego. But as I said, there is so little he cares about that I care deeply and don't know how to handle it... I want to fix it.

And I thought I want children. I've got one already.

I'm at a loss.

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