doldrums

I don't even know what to say.

Yesterday was a great day.

The day before that was a great day.

I had an amazingly productive weekend.

I'm emotionally exhausted and depressed today.

I just want to crawl back in bed.

Have I taken on too many things? *One would think YES!*

And I have no money.

All my ideas will bring in money, but trying to get anything up and running to get to that money-making point is just overwhelming. Therefore I hide away.

I keep thinking I've not done/ am not doing enough -- of whatever I'm involved in, I feel like I lack contribution, or could have done more. Every day I feel like I've not done enough of whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. I have listed affirmations on my bathroom mirror... yet my internal dialogue (or inner committee as I heard someone refer to it once) is constantly knocking me down.

I know this is just a mood. In my head I understand that. Yet, knowing that, I lack the self-discipline to get off my ass and move -- activity is the answer to this temporary lack of enthusiasm, but therein lies the problem... a circle of inactivity leading to more and more inactivity. This is a perfect example of what I do to sabatoge myself and my goals. To do something even if I don't feel like doing it... that is the discipline I lack *resigning sigh*

Tomorrow is another day.

Yowza!

I'm home after a long weekend away -- well, actually, TWO long weekends away. Over the 10-11th our chorus had an amazing retreat weekend with Lori Lyford, unsurpassable director of Scottsdale Chorus (Current SAI International Chorus Champion Chorus). We had a great party on Saturday night - it was a 50's theme and we outdid ourselves dressing up... I found these fun glasses at the Gaslight Theatre's Costume shop. There was a bubblegum blowing contest (I didn't participate in the contest, but just popped the bubble on my nose...)

A hand-jive dance, "The Stroll" dance, a hula-hoop contest, The Limbo -- I left on the early side because I was exhausted -- but understand they had a trivia contest, and also a best costume contest.

We seemed to have turned a corner as a chorus, as far as taking seriously our personal responsiblity to each do our part in order to reach our goals ~ we're in a new rehearsal space now and last Tuesday we seemed to be keeping up the sound we made over the weekend pretty well. It is extremely exciting!

I had lunch with a friend (for 3 hours!) on Monday at our favorite local chain, EEGEE's, and generally caught up in each other's lives ~ she's a performer, out in LA now and trying to break into commercials. Her roomate just sold a screenplay, and she's met loads of interesting people and is having a great time! I wish she was closer so we could sing again together....

This last weekend my quartet got together for a little quartet retreat ~ we spent the night at Anne's and ate dinner at Chili's - watched "Into The Woods" DVD -- yay!!! And then sang from 9am to around 5pm on Saturday, ending the weekend by going to dinner at a favorite spot in East Mesa, "Red, White & Bru" restaurant. I think the weekend was extremely beneficial, but I feel less ready now (if that is possible) because of the amount of work we have to do before contest (May 5th in Phoenix). I love singing with these gals, and am having a great time ~ we all are committed to the process, and we all enjoy learning more and more about the craft of Barbershop. We're going out the first full week of April for coaching and I have a voice lesson with Kim Hulbert *YAY* -- and April will be chock-full of rehearsals gearing up for contest weekend.

Husband? He's still working - lots of overtime. We're not sure of the status of whether or not he'll be able to get a permanent full time position -- we won't know until a bit farther down the road ~ but I'm just trying to stay positive and not worry. We think we've found a fair deal to buy the house from mom, but again, it depends on our working/financial situation. Which means a lot of scrapping in the next few weeks!!

We finally got some rain -- and over the 10th/11th Southern Arizona even got snow! If I remember I'll post the picture mom sent of Cave Creek. And today has been very rainy - I even saw some hail on the side of the highway coming back down from the Phoenix area to Tucson.

I'll try to be better about regular posting - just too many balls in the air right now to remember a whole lot of anything!

Catching Up

I can hardly believe it is now March 8th! I had an awesome quartet rehearsal this past weekend ~ spent a great day with mom up in Cave Creek on Monday and got her little scrapping area set up... talked to Larry about buying the craft business, buying mom's house or not buying it... talked briefly to my sister, who just had her last chemo last Wednesday and was feeling great - she starts radiation the beginning of April. She also razzed me about scrapping my niece's photos... I sang with Glen Rose Saturday night on his show at Fellowship Square ~ 2 songs: Jimmy Van Heusen's "Polka Dots and Moonbeams" and "Imagine" ~ it was really fun, and as always, performing gets me all jazzed again to really pursue the cabaret business.

I've discovered Mascarpone Cheese ~ which is the American equivalent to Double Cream. Oh man, I'm in trouble now. Spread it on a Trader Joe's graham cracker and ta-da ~ a mini cheesecake... even nicer with a smidge of lemon curd on it too.

I am now on the board of the chorus -- which will be more responsibility and more nights out -- it should be an interesting year (I believe actually it is a 2-year committment) with that. This weekend is chorus retreat down in Sierra Vista, and next weekend I'll be at a 'quartet retreat' up in Mesa.

Today I actually was given money to help a lady with her computer... what a long way I've come there! It was way cool!

There are a lot of things going on right now ~ I'm developing a craft class to teach at Fellowship Square on a monthly basis, and am having lunch with my former boss to discuss plans and terms and future of that.

I've decided the first cabaret show will be a Cole Porter revue ~ I've chosen the songs, now to create the backtracks... time consuming but educational.

I'm still involved with my scrapbooking client and the Big Opportunity in regards to that...

There's chorus and quartet...

And the possibility of purchasing a Senior Activity business -- teaching crafts to seniors who are living in the smaller (8 - 10 residents) care homes.

Hmmmm... somehow it doesn't seem so much when I put it down here ~ but then I'm not mentioning that I'm supposed to be going to Curves 3 times a week, I'm going to a weekly crop, I'm supposed to be on Weight Watchers online and developing wonderfully tasty & healthy meals under the point plan, keeping the house reasonably clean, and keeping up with laundry. When that all is added in (and then there's keeping up with emails & blogs...) -- well, it is no wonder I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed once in awhile.

I've meant to send a thank you email to everyone who came to himself's party ~ and I've not done that yet... I'm still hanging on to a package for 'mater to go to Scotland, and another package to a friend in Australia... maybe I can get to the USPS on Friday before going down to Sierra Vista.

I'm so very very blessed... and extremely thankful for the incredible friends I have - for the gifts I've been given and the desire to use them. Pray for self-discipline for me so that I can divvy up my time and get it done, so I can contribute to our financial situation!!!

March 1st

*sigh* more later!