Fear Part I

I'm back. Rascal's fine :-) Himself survived. The dishes were done :-) Not sure what happened in the microwave, but a few minutes this morning has that sorted out.

Pepperdine, as usual, was beautiful and awesome. I didn't take time to reconnect with friends in the area -- too much going on. Didn't take one single picture.

It was 3 full days of reconnecting with God... catching up on the a cappella praise team music scene (and $100 worth of CD's), being convicted (or convinced...) that I've been running away from what is hard and difficult, and while still being scared and wussy about it, am committed to keeping myself open to whatever lies ahead.

Brief history. I started out as a vocal performance major at Pepperdine in 1985. I had auditioned for a music scholarship at the suggestion of my mother, and for lack of a better idea - did so, and they said they'd give me $2,000 to sing, $3,000 if I'd major in music. There were 3 other music majors my freshman year... so thinking they needed another one to round it out. Again, for lack of a better idea, I said yes, I'll be a vocal performance music major. (Voice: The only instrument made by God)

I didn't want to sing opera, or more specifically... I didn't want to sing in foreign languages. It is so extremely shallow, but hey - at least I'm honest about being lazy ;-). Music Theory was 3 days a week - sightsinging, eartraining and written theory; 1/2 hour piano lessons, 1-hour voice lessons, choir 3 days a week, had to be in the fall musical (Camelot), the spring Opera Workshop (The Medium by Carlo Menotti -- yay -an Italian who wrote one-act operas in English!!) along with the normal general classes. I was extremely insecure about any singing talent I had - and being in theory with the #1 Soprano and Bass of the Texas High School All-State choir (i.e., excellent sight-readers), I was not prepared for the competition I didn't want to be in. And Theory was kicking my butt.

Along with the normal insecurities (too fat, not pretty enough, out of shape, too poor blah blah blah) I ended up not returning to Pepperdine for my sophomore year - much to my mother's dismay. Cutting out all the reasons why, I returned in January of 1988 - went to London for summer school that summer, made a whole new group of friends, was scared off from going into Education (should have at least spoken to an advisor before making that decision!), flipped through my catalogue "no math, no science.... Hey - Public Relations" and I adored my major. I participated in all music things I wanted to- what a difference in attitude when I didn't "HAVE" to -- and graduated in December of 1990 with a PR major, English and Music minors.

have to get ready for work - part 2 coming later