P.S.

I walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes this morning.

Yay!

But I didn't do any housework -- well, I ran the dishwasher, but haven't unloaded it yet.

I watched my TiVo's "Grey's Anatomy" and "Ghost Whisperer" and an old "CSI Miami" -- and I've scrapped 3 pages - in the middle of 2 more, and will get 10 today!!

Not bad.

Chapter is closed

I unsubbed from American Expats.

My pal 'Mater called me from Scotland and filled me in on as much as she knew (which, I have to say wasn't a whole lot :laugh:), and I was just going there and wasting time... but I will miss some of the people I "knew" virtually. [And to be clear, she called out of guilt, because she was supposed to call me when she was stateside and didn't... so I left her a guilt-inducing comment on her blog... :hee hee: RESULT!] And really, when she told me she unsubbed, she was the only one I was keeping in touch with, my other pals have been long gone. And she said that Meta unsubbed, and that Saucywitch was about to unsub... well... it looks like it is a mass exodus, and when the page came up that I was supposed to pay to resubscribe, I just said no.

Last night himself said that in our 8 years of marriage, this is the most settled he's felt. He said he's happy to retire from Intuit and live here forever -- not sure if I want to live in Arizona forever... but no plans to move, and lots of things to keep us here. He's happy. He's content. Which makes me happy :D !!

Got my Sweet Adeline Int'l Convention "Keepin' Score" booklet -- it is VERY cool! It is self-described as "the definitive competition guide for Stat Rats, Armchair Judges, Trivia Nuts & Costume Doodlers!" International in Las Vegas is only a couple weeks away... better get back to scrappin!

I don't have to be superwoman

You know when you have that quiet moment of a-ha!?!

In what my world is - we are raised with (silent) expectations of our parents... of what our life should be.

I understood in my gut this afternoon that I don't have to live the same life as my mother. My house doesn't have to be ready for an impromptu gathering within 15 minutes (as much as I think that is awesome, and completely admire people who can live like that...). I don't have to put my sheets and towels in the linen closet if I don't think that is the best place for them (not that this was a big obstacle). I just have to love my mother. And myself. And she is what she is.

This carried over to himself today -- my churlish, angry, inner bratty child stamps her little foot and demands everyone but her do better. I wish I could adequately describe just how small minded and selfish she is. I'm not sure why she is such a rebellious little soul -- I must have really felt 'put upon' and corralled and stymied in what I could and couldn't do. I used to joke about not having a childhood, but perhaps there is more truth to that than I have given.

Back to the point -
Bratty Me - "Why can't he throw away this stuff on the entry table??!!!"

Adult Me - "Why haven't you thrown away YOUR junk mail, newspapers and put away the posters advertising the chorus show?"

Bratty Me - "I'm in the middle of a project... and HIS projects are half finished lying all over the house... with all the tools still out... you can't see the top of the tv entertainment unit because of all HIS crap *stamp stamp* !!!!!"

Adult Me - "Yes, you have a point (have to validate her a wee bit)... but since when did two wrongs make a right?"

Bratty Me - sulk sulk, folds arms, bottom lip out so far a bird is gonna build a nest....

Adult Me - looks at entry table, picks up most of the junk mail for him, picks up MY junk mail and it makes it into the trash.

A wise friend told me a few weeks ago that it sounds like I struggle with private integrity and maturity. I'm still revelling in the fact that I don't have a set bed time! That I can stay up as late as I want!! That I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want to!

Discipline is doing what you know you need to, even if you don't want to.

Very much relates to Godly Obedience. There is freedom in knowing the rules by which you live. So many "decisions" are already made for you. I do well with less choice (this is why I am a mostly Creative Memories scrapper -- my creativity is made more by working with less).

:break: you should see the amount of blood the mosquito I just smashed spilled... MY Blood!!! *muttering expletives* gnats.... flying biting bugs....!!!!!
:end break:

Yesterday I got up at 6:30 am - walked on the treadmill for 11 minutes, and started doing laundry. Morning is my time for chores -- I don't want to do anything at night besides watch tv, scrap, hang with himself, maybe a few dishes, and tons 'o computer time! I got to work and it was a fabulous day, because I knew I'd done my 'responsibilities.' Wednesday is my not-getting-up-any-earlier-day because I start work at 8:30 (as opposed to 10am). I felt worse today, but tomorrow I'm getting up early and walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes.

If my brother reads this -- know that I have no pride, and would have gladly accepted money from you to help me get to OKC this next time. And I'm not ashamed of having no pride with siblings... father is another matter...

That comment comes from a conversation I had earlier with my sister ~ who told me she and my niece are flying out a few days before said brother's wedding, going to San Diego Zoo, Sea World, and then after the wedding, they're going to Disneyland with dad and T. I was bummed I wasn't told about this earlier!! October's a busy month for me, but I would have done Sea World... :-(

And I called her to see what family stuff we might be doing around the wedding because I need to go pick up the mic stand I left in my Ontario hotel room back in August... my awesome friend went and picked it up from the hotel for me, and they only live a few minutes from where the wedding will be... have to find the invite....

now I'm just kind of rambling.

How does one simplify?!

only 7% of quiz takers were this...

I'm a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

It Is What It Is

That is my new philosophy.

The other one I like is asking myself the question,
"Who would I be if I didn't believe that to be true?" That being whatever negative & defeating thought currently going through my head.

Himself is at Loew's, buying the necessary (and probably unneccessary) bits and bobs of hardware to finish creating a theatre type atmosphere in our living room... We found Halloween Lights - rope lights that are lavender, to put up and around... so it will interesting what it eventually looks like. This is what it looks like now...




Last weekend I don't think himself even got dressed --




I taught a craft class, which of course I'd procrastinated on, but it went really well -- and was fun, as usual, working with the seniors at Fellowship Square.




I finished the big special project, but can't publish anything yet, because the event hasn't taken place yet.

I've been going absolutely stark raving mad with the tiny gnats flying around. Because of all the rain we had, we've also been infested with Mosquitos --- ARGHGHGGHGHHHHH.

I went to chorus for the first time in at least a month last Tuesday - we ran the second half of the show, which is the half I'll be in -- still have 3 songs I need to learn. *sigh*

I received some really nice feedback from one of the show committee chairwomen, she said that what I've done with getting groups (seniors) to come to the show has been the best result they've ever had. I'm all about recognition, so that was cool... yet inner committee comes back with "yeah, just think of what you could have done had you really spent more time on it -- it could have been so much better/ so many more!! Loser." So I try to counter with, "It is what it is, and I have done the best I can for the moment... and it is better than nothing, and better than we've ever done before!!" plthplthlphtlsplths (that's the official spelling of a raspberry...)!!!

And this is despite me having to give up half of what I'd been asked to do.

I made some AWESOME crockpot lasagne this week -- I tend to be even more lazy (hard to imagine) when it comes to cooking in the slow cooker... so browning meat before putting it in the crock is time intensive for me, but oh how worth it! And you don't cook the noodles (how much easier is that!!!) *darn gnats* -- cream cheese, sour cream.... himself loved it too - he hasn't really taken to the American Italian sauces that aren't cream sauce -- too sharp for his tastes, so this creamy tomato sauce was right up his ally.

Himself was going through some funky stuff at work, but it seems to have cleared up - he is going to be in the systems area of Le Cert software help desk, so that makes him a happy chappy!

And ~ we've decided we want to get a dog ~ probably from the pound or humane society... a dog that has been housebroken at least... we dog sat for mom & Larry for 10 days -- and we miss not being greeted with such enthusiasm at the door ;-)

turning a corner

It is amazing how your life looks different when you get your perspective in order.

Just getting outside yourself for a minute ... and it isn't like we don't *know* that ~ yet it isn't me who gets me out of the dark spiral.

God is an Awesome God!

September 11th - where were you?

5 years.

5 years ago today it was a sunny (yet still wet) day in the central belt of Scotland, and I was happy because we got out of college early and I was going to be able to get home to watch one of my favorite UK shows, "Watercolour Challenge" -- I came in the house, turned on the kettle and fixed myself a cup of tea and I think a sandwich of some kind... sat in the recliner, put my feet up and turned on the tv -- and when I turned on the telly it took me awhile to figure out what they were talking about.

I sat there, so far away in another country -- numb. It takes me awhile to understand my own emotions, and it wasn't until my good friend Wendy called me and asked if I was watching tv, and that she and her mum, Norma were on their way, that I started to cry. They stayed with me until himself got home. It was a cry of unbelief, to watch people jumping from windows to escape a fiery death. To hear about the plane crashes, and the thwarted but still fatal flight of United Airlines Flight 93 over Pennsylvania. To hear reports of people who were above the twin towers crash point, calling loved ones and having to leave messages.

I can't imagine being on the receiving end of getting home, knowing what is happening, picking up my voice mail, or seeing a flashing light indicating a message is waiting.... and hearing my loved one's voice. Incomprehensible for me. Oh God, the pain.

I wrote a list of thoughts & emotions from that day - it took me more than a week to reach out to friends who worked at the SWRO American Airlines reservations call center. To talk to any loved ones -- I felt removed, not everyone in the country I was living in was flying American Flags... but the British lost countrymen and women in the tragedy, and they were sympathetic and demonstrated their outrage and sadness. And a few British television personalities / reporters were callous enough to say that the Brits had been dealing with terrorism for years, essentially implying that we (Americans) needed to just get on with it... that we'd joined the rest of the world and that we were no longer untouched or unreachable from the fingers of terrorists.

Our young little country had quickly lost something.

We can never go back.

And now we can't have liquids (that we've brought ourselves) aboard an airplane. We wear slip-on shoes. Travel stopped being fun a long time ago, but now it is worse than a hassle. It is invasive. It is intrusive. It is a torment.

And this country, built on immigrants, is clamoring to close its borders, have one national language, and we're trying to hold on to our freedoms for life, in fear.

I'm not wallowing ~ but I am taking a moment to remember.

On this day of remembrance, dwell on those you love. Pick up the phone and let someone you love know that you love them. Choose the good stuff.

For us born after JFK was shot, and who are too young to remember Elvis' death, this is a defining of a generation... where were you on 9/11 2001?

September 1st

Well ~ I only managed to get one entry in August...
Here's a picture of my month... I put in some colored spots to edit a bit... but you can see there was a lot going on. I won't be able to talk about the surprise I've been working on for a few months ~ well, a couple of surprises, actually! But it has taken up my time, as well as taking on selling bulk tickets for the chorus for our show in October. My brother's getting married in October, and I am planning to go to Sweet Adelines International Convention in October. Thankfully, September is not quite as full!

I was sick all last week ~ I'm sure my feelings of being overwhelmed by all the things I'd said "Yes" to were contributing to my anger, depression... not to mention the hormones -- but that is over and that wave has disappeared and I'm back to my normal optimistic & sunny self (!)

Don't get me wrong ~ there is still a lot going on!

The two craft classes I've taught so far have gone really well ~ I've taken pictures of the participants with their cards, and it is awesome interacting with the seniors at Fellowship Square again. The singing is also going really well. I did a 5 song sing-along this past Wednesday, being sick and all... I usually perform better when I'm partially sick because I don't put that perfection pressure on myself (sometime I'll have to tell the story of Singing in Ireland at the IABS - Irish Assoc. of Barbershop Singers - contest with my UK quartet, "Steppin' Forth".. sick as a dog but still managing to bring home a huge medal...literally huge compared to the Sweet Adeline medals... 3rd place!).

Anyway -- we had much fun on Wednesday, and I'll make up the time with a longer performance in October.

I was thinking I'd put the cabaret singing on hold a little longer -- but himself has said that he thinks I shouldn't... that it will, in the next year or so, give me the freedom and even more importantly, the money, to do all these things I want to do. I just know in my heart that the minute I really commit to it, it will take off and I'll then (have to) be responsible, which strikes a bit 'o fear in my heart. A dream come true - performing for senior audiences... it might even lead to other, more prominent venues... and I see the snowball and doubt my readiness.

In some ways I'm quite afraid of committment -- there is that 'all or nothing' mentality that lies and says if I do this then I'll "never" do that... and well, I know that is a lie, but fear of missing out on something has stopped me from a number of opportunities, I think.

Anyway ~ I'm committed to doing five income-producing activities a day... or activities that will move my business forward... and exercising at least 3 times a week. The wedding is Oct 21st - so that gives me 6 weeks to lose a couple pounds -- and I have so much to lose I might even lose a whole size (or two) in that time, which would be phenomenal (did I spell that right?).

So -- I'm off to create!