Thursday, February 15, 2007

Fighting Cynicism (or, Another Whine... where's my cheese?)

I was going to show pictures of himself looking for and finding 41 hearts that I hid all over the house for his Valentine/Birthday celebration -- it was a very private affair this year - not a quartet to embarrass him in sight!! *heh heh* -- but I've not downloaded the pix yet.

But I ran across a blog that had someone talking about fighting cynicism, and I thought that was pretty relevant to me... I don't want to believe the worst of people, but I often do. I don't want to be gullible -- why? The world makes fun of gullible people -- so!? What is wrong with having the trust (with plenty of wisdom thrown in) of a child.... [here comes the cynic...] because not all people are nice. Not all people are kind. Not all people are gentle or have your best interest in mind. Hmmmm... a song there?

[random thought having nothing to do with cynicism...]

I'm incredibly self-involved. Pathetically so. I don't want to be anymore. I want the good I feel for doing good, kind, nice things to be a side effect of the good deed... not the good feeling to be the purpose why I do it - for people to know that I have gifts... holy cow it sounds horrible when I put it out there in black and white.

Ouch. My truth mirror is not showing me in my best light, and that doesn't happen very often - I manipulate very well, usually.

So what is my point? I'm not sure I have one. I'm not in a bad space, my negative week was a couple weeks ago and I got through it okay -- himself & I talked about the grocery issue (!) and what all that means... we're going to be getting a dog with the birthday money his mum sent him...

I'm going to sign up for the Susan G. Komen 5K fun walk - I haven't officially signed up yet, but when I do I'll post the link and when/if people sponsor me, it will help me have a goal for my fitness & exercise -- not just a general "to be in better shape." Nope, I need external motiviation... people counting on me (which I resist and groan and moan about, but that is definitely what makes me do stuff!). The walk is at Reid Park on the Sunday after Easter - 9 weeks away. When I started searching for info I started looking at the running sites, too -- I was forced to run in jr. high - Coach Robertson was my arch-foe.... but maybe to get to the point that I could *start* running again without killing my knees would be a goal to strive for in my fitness efforts.

The SU consultant deposited my check too early - and I was doing really well keeping that $20 in my account... grrrrrrr... not happy.

Okay, enough randomness for now -- gotta go waste more time on the 'net.

1 comment:

yerdoingitwrong said...

YAY!! I'm doing the Susan G. Komen 3-day in Seattle with my sis-in-law. Right on!! We can support each other. I'm adding you to my blogroll. I'll be checking it. =)