I'm often at a loss for words to express how frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, defeated, disorganized (using the thesaurus now) in a constant state of upheaval, agitated, unhinged (that is a good description) I often feel with how much there is to do. Some of it is the nature of the job, some of it is my emotional state (combined with hormones = whiny, crying & crabby), and some of it is being in the constant stage of change or learning that makes me feel like I'm not ever enough.
I know I'm extremely capable at 75% of what I'm doing. 25% of following through isn't happening, and I had a pretty short blue line (Kolbe). Doing it for a year is just torturing me - I know that I hate it when it gets to a certain point in the details, and seeing how many things get missed because I just struggle with tracking and remembering and forgetting to remember...
I also have learned that the shifting priorities sucks. I had never lived that before and can't say I have any appreciation for it at all (can you hear the sarcasm?!).
- OGAD - an Opportunity for Growth And Development
An excuse for ... [I haven't decided yet... any comments?] - AGO - Another Growth Opportunity
- AFGO - Another F-en Growth Opportunity
My favorite phrase at the moment.
Let's just sum it up to say that my commitment lessens each day because there is only more and more to do, which, after a year, it seems like things should be settling into something manageable.
2 comments:
HAAAAAAAAA! I SO understand. Believe you me, sistah. And AFGO made me LMAO!!!
I've come to the conclusion that truly sometimes life just sucks pond water.
Resignation to that fact has been a bit of a help.
The Lord didn't promise me outer happiness which is temporary at best, but rather He gives us inner joy.
Ok, so I miss the joy a LOT of the times whilst wallowing in the "this sucks pond water" part. Yet, what can I do without Him? Can I stay His hand? Do I really think I'm in control of life events and can a leopard change its spots? Can I by taking thought add 1 second to my life?
Ok, sorry for the self reflection there. =( I do think though that there comes a time when we have to accept ourselves as we are - just where we are and the things we'd like changed well - ask the Lord. If He says no, guess what? I don't mean this absolves us of responsibility - but rather, ok - here is where I say it - I don't understand why you are so hard on yourself. I have always thought you such a wonderful, caring, talented person and why on earth would you want to change how you are and how you operate? It's you.
Hugz
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