Dog Sitting

So I'm in Cave Creek while mom and Step "Pops" are on a 1/2 driving, 1/2 motorcycle riding trip up to the Grand Canyon -- it is very very peaceful ~ I got up at 5:30 this morning *Yawn!* to take the dogs on a walk, then have done nothing but laze around the house. The dogs know when it is time to be fed, and come over wagging their tales looking cute :-) -- and so I know it is 4:00 pm or so.

I've scrapped 8 pages for Sis, and had already organized pictures with paper -- so it is going pretty fast. The space that mom and I set up to scrap is a little stuffy upstairs when it is 110 F outside, but I lowered the air conditioning to 77 degrees, rather than 80, and that has made my stay altogether much more pleasurable.

Only one golf ball has hit the house so far... a picture of Grandma Wade mysteriously fell off the wall upstairs when no one was up there... but the music hasn't gone off in the middle of the night, and nothing else exciting to tell.

Just talked to himself who is keeping himself busy hanging stuff in the house ~ broke a mirror ~ bummer! And watched the USA v Italy World Cup match - 1-1 - so USA is doing well... anyone against Italy who scores is doing well, apparently.

I've been watching sappy Lifetime Movie Network, and loving it.

I've not done my other "projects" I'm supposed to do -- quartet rehearsal tomorrow... maybe I'll do some tonight.

*WHEW*

Well, we're on the downside of the Moving Mountain! Last week has become a blur -- a blur of soreness, pain, heat exhaustion, cleaning, cleaning, moving, cleaning, and shattered. But I'm back online and will post more details later... himself just got home from work.

Memorial Day 06

In my little corner of the world, the movers come tomorrow. We have many boxes yet to pack, but I think we are just at the half-way point, so progress at this point is serious progress :-). A.T. has done tremendous amounts of packing and work in clearing the family room, dining room & red bedroom so we have a place to move our stuff into. Her movers come Wednesday afternoon -- so logistically it will be a stuffed house for 24 hours -- but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

We spent a couple hours last night over there, and I unpacked most of the kitchen -- we have so little by way of plates, glasses and cookware that there are lots of shelves with nothing on them -- gosh, how cool is that?! And a pantry... *slobber* I can't wait!

I have my little 15-minute timer that I am wearing around my neck, and 5 minutes until I have to finish this and get back to packing.

Mom & I got back from California on Friday evening around 5:30 pm, and I left for Tucson about 7:30 -- home by 10:45 or so. I had been able to nap a couple times in the car when mom drove, so I was fine, though it was a long day.

I am still sad over the loss of B.K. within the family, it was a really nice service, with lots of family and friends of hers getting up to speak and talk of memories of how much their lives had been enriched from knowing her and being loved by her. Daughter B's husband H said some really nice things, and did a great job of being the first 'talk.' All the guys had on purple shirts & ties in honor of B.K. and her favorite color... and almost everyone had on some purple or lavendar somewhere...

Thursday morning before leaving mom & I went to R.C.'s & C.J.'s "for coffee" and stayed for 5 hours -- it was his 88th birthday, so he kept getting phone calls to wish him a happy birthday (his party was Saturday) -- and my timer went off, so more later.

Purpose

I woke up at 5am and couldn't go back to sleep -- so I started surfing around and finding blogs I wanted to bookmark and keep up with. Most of them are Christian or Spiritually oriented, which is good and good for me. Usually I end up playing 'spider solitaire' until I get drowsy enough to go back to bed. Reading things that help me focus on being a better person and what my priorities are and that I am a beloved child of God makes it easier when I'm feeling useless.

In reading these posts, I feel less than. Not inferior. Not worse to imply they are better. Just the Carrie < 'Bloggers I've read today'. And the same old tapes start to play, and really, they are so worn and tired, scratchy and haggard (gosh I love the online thesaurus!). A new track is certainly in order. I am a beloved child of God. That would be a good start, wouldn't it?!

I haven't let my soul out on the internet -- there's a lot of weirdos out there(!) Yet, I have nothing to hide, I'm not divulging my social security number, or my bank account information, I don't even like putting out friend's real names. I've been pretty honest though, allowing uglier, more human and dare I say, sinful, parts of my pysche to show. But I don't really post anything controversial -- opinions that may differ from anyone else's, anything shocking. (What would Tom Cruise say about my depression medication while I was in Scotland?! *ha ha!*) Controversy is not my intent. [side track: In the UK they pronounce CON-tro-ver-sy as Con-TRA-ver-sy. Weird, huh? ] Do I want thought-provoking dialogue? ummmm... I don't think I want it necesarily in *my* blog, but I appreciate being able to observe it happening on other people's blogs.

Mike Cope's blog had over 80 comments on why Starbucks is ruling the world (May 18th entry). I joined in, because I like Starbucks, but I don't drink regular coffee there. I can drink coffee at home... I go to Starbucks because I can get things there that I can't create at home - atmosphere, memories, Caramel Cream Frappaccinos... I had just as much fun reading all the comments on his blog as I have fun reading his entries.

I just found another Pepperdine Pal -- via a comment from one of the blogs I'd happened onto, and his most recent post was how blogging hasn't become a comfortable place for him to be. He feels presumptous, among other things. I understand his perspective & have felt the same. I, on the other hand, don't think many people read what I write, I'm writing for me, mostly, sort of. I write because I've always written -- some kind of journal, some kind of commentary always mumbling through my thoughts on what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, what I'm doing it for and judging it. I also write because this is easier than writing a bunch of emails, and people who are interested can keep up with me, if they are so inclined. It also will help me when it comes to scrapbooking this year, to have dates and activities documented...

My underlying thought is, 'what if some of these (talented, gifted, spiritual) people (whom I admire) whom I've read, come to my blog and read it? What would they think?' And I have this internal dialogue that goes something like this:

Rational Healthy(?) Self: So what? You're an interesting, gifted, Godly woman who has contributed to the world around her in ways that are significant to those who know her and love her... it is okay to show people who you really are. If they don't like you, or your opinions, it is their issue, not yours.

Guilty People Pleasing Self: Whaddya mean so what? What if someone doesn't like me? That whole line about "that is their issue not yours" is so, so... worldly. So modern. So self-protecting and arrogant. Harsh. Unkind.

Healthy Self: (interrupts) So What? What is the worst thing that can happen if someone doesn't like you?

People Pleasing Self: Then I will be thought less of. Not enough. Not perfect. Un-charitable, un-Christian. And what if I don't have reasons to back my opinions up.... it is just easier to not put it out there.

You can see why I get confused... finding the balance between loving, gentle and kind, and also having a healthy self-esteem regarding someone who may have a difference of opinion from me... how to stand up for oneself, while turning the other cheek -- to have a healthy self worth without losing the disciple's path to be like Jesus.

But confusion is the devil's tool. Battling it takes focus. Solidity of thought. Unwavering belief and faith in the desired outcome. Knowing who to turn to when a question comes up, rather than floundering around hoping someone comes to give you a hand. Reminding yourself that you are a beloved Child of God. BELOVED! adored.

I guess JC didn't have a self-esteem problem because - duh! He knew he was (is)

A Beloved Child Of God.

That was a long way around to get to the purpose... and wasn't at all what I thought I intended to say, but methinks it needed to be thought through & said.

3

I just found out a couple hours ago that a special relative has died. My dad called at 8:10 pm and I saw his number on the caller ID and knew it was bad news. My sister is cancer-free and just finished her last radiation treatment wednesday, so I wasn't thinking it was her. I was expecting an beloved uncle to have passed away, but instead it was one of my dad's favorite cousins, BK. She had a massive stroke yesterday, her family was told if she lived she would be a vegetable, and was taken off life support at 5pm. She passed away with her family there around midnight. I'm still so sad. Sad for her kids and grandkids. Sad for her close cousins who live near her, who are MY favorite cousins. I got off the phone with my dad and then had to call my mom and tell her.

I could hardly get the words out, and am welling up right now thinking of it again. I'm feeling the grief for everyone else's loss more than for myself -- my mom who is her age, maybe slightly older. I'm feeling grief that we are all aging and that we all will lose or have already lost someone near and dear to us. I'm crying for the day when I will lose my mom.

My mom and I are planning to go to the funeral - my dad's side of the family is so close, and it had been a year since I saw them all (last April for beloved great uncle SOB & CJ's 60th wedding anniversary), and I love them all so very very much. I know my mom still misses being around that clan :-) That knowledge, that we'll be out of town for a few days, will kick my packing in gear, as I won't have the whole week I was thinking I had.

I'm so glad I'm home to be here for these times. Feeling the sadness isn't what I'm glad for, of course, but that I can be here to mourn with those who are mourning, and be here to be there for my mom. Words fail me.

It caught up with me

The icky bug that everyone it seems has had... I have a mild case of it, but it is still making me feel queasy, and very much like not wanting to do any of the many tasks I have set up to do before we move.

I asked himself to bring home chicken noodle soup and some pre-made jello. He is aware that I'm avoiding sweeteners, yet did not notice that all the jello he brought me was sugar-free. They make me feel queasier. How does one handle this? I'm so thankful he was willing to stop by the store to pick them up for me, but yet they are not what I need. Yet I won't tell him, because that won't do any good. He hates 'jelly' - so no fear that they'll be eaten by anyone but me. Great.

How is it that we can be so unaware? I didn't set out with this post to be whiny and complaining, really I didn't. He is so thoughtful and spoils me in so many other ways ~ and I'm a lucky lucky woman to have someone who isn't uptight, isn't a perfectionist about neatness, isn't a clothes horse or finicky about how his laundry is done. And who buys me roll-up keyboards :-) Argh...

I've been reading a Pepperdine friend's blog, and read a post that they were in Arizona in April. I'm bummed he didn't even send me an email to say "hey, if you're around, our schedule will be... and it would be great to hang out and have pie & coffee..." And I know he would feel bad if he knew (I left him a comment on the post letting him know with humor that I was bummed). And really, to be honest, my feelings are not really directed at him.

It goes back to being the one who calls. Though today a friend of mine did ring and say lets get together, and that helps balance out the scale :-). Why does it matter who calls? I know my friends love me and always appreciate hearing from me and being able to catch up... yet what would happen if I didn't? Life would intervene and friendships would fade, and that would make me even sadder, so I call.

What goes around comes around.

And death. Sudden, shocking, I can't believe these people are no longer alive death. Terry Howell, founder and force of Arizona Rose Theatre, died pretty suddenly May 2nd of Congestive Heart Failure. I went to the memorial on Friday -- and how thankful I am that I saw the Howells in December and got hugs, and felt peace from that chapter of my life, and that it was finally closed. Otherwise, it would have been much uglier for me on Friday. When I heard the news a couple days after he passed away, I went into administrative mode, and contacted some old Arizona Rose Friends - kids I worked with who are now all grown up and graduated themselves from college and walking the pavement trying to be professional actors. How much I admire them for their talent and their committment... their committment!!

A day or so later, I get news that a friend from Scotland, part of the Forth Valley Chorus, died after not being well -- but only a couple close friends knew that she'd been diagnosed with bone cancer. She leaves behind a teenaged severely handicapped daughter. The chorus was competing in their regional contest when they heard the news -- what an emotional time it must have been -- and the memorial is the 18th. News of Margaret's death hit me harder, and the realization that we really need to live with joy, peace, love, and courage -- live without fear -- that realization I would like to say has made a difference and stuck with me. But I'm not living life any different.

This truly is a rambling post -- no plan, no continuity, no trying to be witty, just trying to spell things write, er, right, yeah.

It is time for me to stop wishing and wanting and to choose. And I've been avoiding committment and choice all my life -- I don't choose to committ to living a healthy lifestyle or adding exercise to my life, I don't choose to clean my house for 15 minutes a day (only 15-daggum minutes.......!!!!!!!!!), and I don't choose to grow up. I keep saying I want my own business, but have wasted a lot of time, and it is not funny anymore. We're moving to an expensive house and I need to step up and start contributing.

Well -- now you've seen the inside of my head.

1 year yesterday

Himself's 1-year 'living in America' anniversary was yesterday. With everything that has happened in the past year, it actually *feels* like it has been a year -- it hasn't passed by unbelievably quickly. He was talking about sending out an email with thoughts about living here a year... and in talking about jobs and future, he said he is E*X*A*C*T*L*Y where he wants to be. If someone had asked him a year ago what his perfect job would be, it would be tech support for a good software company. Well, that is exactly where he is. He had some doubts in the middle of tax season -- mostly the feeling of not knowing enough -- but now with the calls slowing down and he's Beta Testing for Quicken -- 3 months of answering emails... he's very content and happy with what he is doing. I'm thrilled that things have worked out this way.

As for me... enought wishing and wanting -- I need to choose to start making a living. My hobby has come first for the last 6 months, and now it has to take the back seat while I get my business off the ground.

Tra La -- It's May, that lusty month of May!!

Wow. I haven't felt like writing in so long, so nice to be in the mood again. April just kinda sped by, with Sweet Adeline Region 21 contest preparation... and this week contest is upon us! On Friday, May 5th I'll be competing with my quartet, "Hearts Afire" as contestant #10 out of 17; and on Saturday, I'll be competing with my chorus, Tucson Desert Harmony - and we are contestant #7 out of 10.

Contest. Where hundreds of women, all garbed in sequins, sparkles, glitter, all-in-ones (underwear best described as spandex armor), false eyelashes, stage makeup, and uncomfortable shoes. We aim to improve our scores from the previous year(s), and to see what the other barbershoppers in our region are doing. We meet up with old friends, make new friends... oh yeah, and we sing. We sing anywhere someone else isn't already. We sing in the hallways of the hotel, in the bars of the hotel, in the street, on the bus, in our rooms, and of course - on stage! We smile, we talk our butterflies into trying to fly in formation in our bodies, we self-talk, we visualize, we pray. We want to get past ourselves and give a gift to our audience. The gift of a musical experience that they will remember always. We want to judges to be truthful yet kind. We want to feel the love, hear the cheers, listen to the harmony, and laugh with everyone else who understands the inside jokes of a cappella singers. We also shop. We are attracted to things that glitter and shine as blackbirds to bits of tinsel... and there are plenty of vendors who supply us with our necessary goodies!

Himself was one of 26 'seasonals' at work who were asked to stay on permanently, so answers to prayers there! He's now full time employed, full medical benefits *heaving sigh of relief!* and a very decent salary. When you consider that it is a call center, in Tucson (not known for its high salaries and/or decent living wages due to being such a service oriented town...), and it is certainly one of the best companies in town, we are very very pleased. We plan to move back into the house I grew up in, rent it from mom for awhile, then make plans to buy it within the year. We plan to move the end of May, as the lease on the apartment is up May 31. We are very excited to be moving into more space -- and dreaming of all the things we want to do.

I've been traveling to Phoenix every weekend but one in April, due to quartet rehearsals and performances, so I'll be cutting back on that traveling now that contest is over shortly. I have agreed to be on the board for the chorus, so that will be a little more work, but I'm excited about contributing more toward the overall good! :-) I guess what I'm saying is things will hopefully get back to more normal, whatever normal is, in June.

I'll be teaching a craft class twice monthly in June, July, August & September, as well as singing for the June and August birthday parties at Fellowship Square. With another 20 songs under my belt from the birthday parties, by September I should have a complete show together, and can actually start marketing myself to other senior living residences.

I don't know if I'm changing -- regarding to accomplishing goals and increasing my self discipline, but I feel stronger. Hard to really describe... I do *GET* that for something to change, someone has to take a stand. My "stands" have not been rooted -- and I am still going with the flow, rather than staying my ground. I recognize this, and for most aspects of my life, I like the fact that I'm flexible, and spontaneous -- yet in matters of weight loss, exercise and my own business, this 'waving in the wind' is definitely NOT working for me! When I say I'm working 3 days a week, that means I cannot say on one of my designated work days, "sure, I can meet you for lunch on that day..." or think that I deserve a break. Because a break from doing nothing shouldn't be called a break. It should be called selfish and instant gratification.

This makes a lot of sense in my head. *ha ha!!*

Basically, taking 15 minutes at the beginning and the end of my day(s) to plan would enable me to plan to get to Curves... PLAN the meal to cook... plan the birthday cards I want to send, the phone calls I want to make, and the emails/internet surfing time 'rewards'. Maybe tonight I can start that. And make this move the fabulous opportunity it is to do some baby flying with FlyLady.

I'm still here...

Gosh, where DOES the time go... it has been pretty busy and getting here to write just hasn't been a priority. We got back from San Diego and while the calendar on my wall doesn't have a lot written down, I sure hit the ground running.

I've been working on putting a friend's pictures from her trip to Bali onto a digital sharing source (i.e., Video CD) so she could share the photos with the Bali group, as well as her family and friends back East. I did a cool Power Point presentation, but even if the DVD player can play video CD's, it doesn't know how to read PPT presentations, so I had to quickly switch her pictures over to something the DVD player could read. Very frustrating (for both of us), as we started this process so long ago, and had plenty of time, but as usual in my own life, the time I have is the time I need... it might be a little early in the day to go there philisophically.

I missed going to Curves most of April - I started going again last week, after a friend signed up and we have agreed to meet each other there -- so that helps me with the external motivation!

I called two places regarding part-time jobs ~ I don't think that is the plan for me yet, however. We just found out yesterday that himself will be made permanent full time at Intuit (Praise God!), so he'll be making more money and will be working at a great company - we plan to move back to the house I grew up in sometime in May. YAY!!!! My goal is to bring in a minimum of $800.00 a month doing the various endeavors I've been pursuing -- and if that isn't happening in another 3 to 6 months, then I'll go and get a structured job.

I also met up with an old theatre buddy who've I've not seen in years and years - we had lunch at Applebees and generally caught up with each other - she has a baby who is celebrating her first birthday this month - and is doing beading and selling her stuff, which is beautiful! It was so cool to catch up and just hang out.

Knowing that I need money, I've been scrapping a lot, and have a goal in mind - so that is been my main focus outside of quartet. I can't believe our contest is just about 2 weeks away! I drove up to Chandler yesterday and we had a really really good rehearsal - it was only 3 hours, but it was exactly what we needed, and I think we all are feeling a lot better and more secure about our musical product & presentation. Our costumes are being made, and we have a fitting on the 24th - I'll be in Phoenix all weekend due to we're singing on Cactus Country Chorus's afterglow (their show after party) Saturday night, then regular rehearsal on Sunday, and then the costume fitting on Monday morning, with a few more hours of singing, then home for a chorus board meeting on Monday night. Then the new board will take over in May onward.

This is it for today.

catching up with longtime friends (cuz we're not OLD!)

Yay!! I found a friend from a long time ago! I just read an email from him, and there's nothing like an old friend, because they know history... history you don't have to explain, history you don't have to share with new friends... not that new friends aren't great ~ and eventually new friends will be old friends -- but that long connection is just another root that keeps me grounded.

I just got back from another fabulous weekend in San Diego - this time with my entire quartet *smiley face!* and we had a fab-u-rific coaching session with my favorite sweet adeline diva, Kim Hulbert. It is just a month away... this first-for-me Region 21 contest... and we've now got our fabric for costumes, the pattern for the costume, and an idea of what our scoresheets will probably say. The butterflies really need to start flying in formation now...

There was some interesting and insightful comments made by Kim regarding our self-image -- both as individuals and as a quartet... so I have some listening and analyzing to do...

Things are good. I'm still searching for the key to keeping up the motivation I need to accomplish the healthy living lifestyle, however.

doldrums

I don't even know what to say.

Yesterday was a great day.

The day before that was a great day.

I had an amazingly productive weekend.

I'm emotionally exhausted and depressed today.

I just want to crawl back in bed.

Have I taken on too many things? *One would think YES!*

And I have no money.

All my ideas will bring in money, but trying to get anything up and running to get to that money-making point is just overwhelming. Therefore I hide away.

I keep thinking I've not done/ am not doing enough -- of whatever I'm involved in, I feel like I lack contribution, or could have done more. Every day I feel like I've not done enough of whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. I have listed affirmations on my bathroom mirror... yet my internal dialogue (or inner committee as I heard someone refer to it once) is constantly knocking me down.

I know this is just a mood. In my head I understand that. Yet, knowing that, I lack the self-discipline to get off my ass and move -- activity is the answer to this temporary lack of enthusiasm, but therein lies the problem... a circle of inactivity leading to more and more inactivity. This is a perfect example of what I do to sabatoge myself and my goals. To do something even if I don't feel like doing it... that is the discipline I lack *resigning sigh*

Tomorrow is another day.

Yowza!

I'm home after a long weekend away -- well, actually, TWO long weekends away. Over the 10-11th our chorus had an amazing retreat weekend with Lori Lyford, unsurpassable director of Scottsdale Chorus (Current SAI International Chorus Champion Chorus). We had a great party on Saturday night - it was a 50's theme and we outdid ourselves dressing up... I found these fun glasses at the Gaslight Theatre's Costume shop. There was a bubblegum blowing contest (I didn't participate in the contest, but just popped the bubble on my nose...)

A hand-jive dance, "The Stroll" dance, a hula-hoop contest, The Limbo -- I left on the early side because I was exhausted -- but understand they had a trivia contest, and also a best costume contest.

We seemed to have turned a corner as a chorus, as far as taking seriously our personal responsiblity to each do our part in order to reach our goals ~ we're in a new rehearsal space now and last Tuesday we seemed to be keeping up the sound we made over the weekend pretty well. It is extremely exciting!

I had lunch with a friend (for 3 hours!) on Monday at our favorite local chain, EEGEE's, and generally caught up in each other's lives ~ she's a performer, out in LA now and trying to break into commercials. Her roomate just sold a screenplay, and she's met loads of interesting people and is having a great time! I wish she was closer so we could sing again together....

This last weekend my quartet got together for a little quartet retreat ~ we spent the night at Anne's and ate dinner at Chili's - watched "Into The Woods" DVD -- yay!!! And then sang from 9am to around 5pm on Saturday, ending the weekend by going to dinner at a favorite spot in East Mesa, "Red, White & Bru" restaurant. I think the weekend was extremely beneficial, but I feel less ready now (if that is possible) because of the amount of work we have to do before contest (May 5th in Phoenix). I love singing with these gals, and am having a great time ~ we all are committed to the process, and we all enjoy learning more and more about the craft of Barbershop. We're going out the first full week of April for coaching and I have a voice lesson with Kim Hulbert *YAY* -- and April will be chock-full of rehearsals gearing up for contest weekend.

Husband? He's still working - lots of overtime. We're not sure of the status of whether or not he'll be able to get a permanent full time position -- we won't know until a bit farther down the road ~ but I'm just trying to stay positive and not worry. We think we've found a fair deal to buy the house from mom, but again, it depends on our working/financial situation. Which means a lot of scrapping in the next few weeks!!

We finally got some rain -- and over the 10th/11th Southern Arizona even got snow! If I remember I'll post the picture mom sent of Cave Creek. And today has been very rainy - I even saw some hail on the side of the highway coming back down from the Phoenix area to Tucson.

I'll try to be better about regular posting - just too many balls in the air right now to remember a whole lot of anything!

Catching Up

I can hardly believe it is now March 8th! I had an awesome quartet rehearsal this past weekend ~ spent a great day with mom up in Cave Creek on Monday and got her little scrapping area set up... talked to Larry about buying the craft business, buying mom's house or not buying it... talked briefly to my sister, who just had her last chemo last Wednesday and was feeling great - she starts radiation the beginning of April. She also razzed me about scrapping my niece's photos... I sang with Glen Rose Saturday night on his show at Fellowship Square ~ 2 songs: Jimmy Van Heusen's "Polka Dots and Moonbeams" and "Imagine" ~ it was really fun, and as always, performing gets me all jazzed again to really pursue the cabaret business.

I've discovered Mascarpone Cheese ~ which is the American equivalent to Double Cream. Oh man, I'm in trouble now. Spread it on a Trader Joe's graham cracker and ta-da ~ a mini cheesecake... even nicer with a smidge of lemon curd on it too.

I am now on the board of the chorus -- which will be more responsibility and more nights out -- it should be an interesting year (I believe actually it is a 2-year committment) with that. This weekend is chorus retreat down in Sierra Vista, and next weekend I'll be at a 'quartet retreat' up in Mesa.

Today I actually was given money to help a lady with her computer... what a long way I've come there! It was way cool!

There are a lot of things going on right now ~ I'm developing a craft class to teach at Fellowship Square on a monthly basis, and am having lunch with my former boss to discuss plans and terms and future of that.

I've decided the first cabaret show will be a Cole Porter revue ~ I've chosen the songs, now to create the backtracks... time consuming but educational.

I'm still involved with my scrapbooking client and the Big Opportunity in regards to that...

There's chorus and quartet...

And the possibility of purchasing a Senior Activity business -- teaching crafts to seniors who are living in the smaller (8 - 10 residents) care homes.

Hmmmm... somehow it doesn't seem so much when I put it down here ~ but then I'm not mentioning that I'm supposed to be going to Curves 3 times a week, I'm going to a weekly crop, I'm supposed to be on Weight Watchers online and developing wonderfully tasty & healthy meals under the point plan, keeping the house reasonably clean, and keeping up with laundry. When that all is added in (and then there's keeping up with emails & blogs...) -- well, it is no wonder I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed once in awhile.

I've meant to send a thank you email to everyone who came to himself's party ~ and I've not done that yet... I'm still hanging on to a package for 'mater to go to Scotland, and another package to a friend in Australia... maybe I can get to the USPS on Friday before going down to Sierra Vista.

I'm so very very blessed... and extremely thankful for the incredible friends I have - for the gifts I've been given and the desire to use them. Pray for self-discipline for me so that I can divvy up my time and get it done, so I can contribute to our financial situation!!!

March 1st

*sigh* more later!

I know it has been awhile

How did this month go by so fast?! I've broken out with a cold sore... ouch. And it is a doozy. It tried to break out a week or so before himiself's party and I kept catching it with Campho-Phenique, but I could feel it really breaking free (so to speak) on Tuesday night at chorus and now it is just gross & disgusting and quite painful.

Aren't you thrilled to hear about it?

Last night himself & I watched "Serenity" and "Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit" -- both were fun! Serenity is by Joss Whedon (Buffy creator), who created the "Firefly" tv series that failed, but of course has a cult following. It is a shame it was not picked up, 'cause it has some good stuff in it! And Wallace & Gromit...what's not to like? Gotta buy it.

What else have we been doing? Well -- I've scrapped quite a few pages, both for myself and my client, which is good.

I've had a lunch meeting regarding purchasing a business -- teaching crafts to residents in assisted care homes for $45 an hour. Hello! Crafts! Senior Citizens! Crafts! The lady trying to sell it is one of those genuinely sweet, not-an-unkind-bone-in-her-body person, but she isn't one to be pushed around, either. She and a friend started this business about 8 years ago, her friend sold her share to this lady, and so now she's been doing it for about 7 years on her own, and she's looking to retire. As it is now, she's only working 20 - 25 hours a week every other month because she's been taking a break (she's been searching for someone to buy it for about 2 years now). She has already laid the foundation... marketed herself and the product, she has connections in the community and her market (senior care homes), and has paperwork and structure already in place, and the price is reasonable.

The risk that himself sees is that the business is successful because of this lady. SHE is the force behind the success... it is her personality and life that has built this successful business. And yes, he knows how much the residents at Fellowship Square loved me, and doesn't doubt that I have the potential to be highly successful at this -- but, what if most of these care homes then change their minds about having someone new come in... or after a month decide I'm not working out -- I'm left with a substantial debt/loan and nothing in place to pay it off.

So this week I'm meeting her again and I'll re-introduce the concept that I work for her for a year - she receives $45 an hour, she could pay me $20 and I'm doing all the work -- and then between 6 months and a year I've saved enough money to buy her out, all the while I'm establishing myself as the primary force of the business, but with a cushion of her experience and reputation. We see this as Win Win -- she'll be making $25 an hour really just in an advisory position. And I'm sure it can work out that I'll still be an independent contractor, so she won't have to worry about payroll and stuff like that.

Let's see... what else... we had extra coaching last week with Marcia Massey of Oklahoma City Chorus -- she's super talented... but I was having a huge pity party for myself on the risers. I was hot, tired, my back ached, my feet hurt, the lady who is directly in front of me on ther risers sits on a chair that has a back on it, the lady on my right sometimes forgot to put her elbow down and it was kinda bony, the water bottle in the apron of the gal behind me was in my way... none of those things by itself is a problem -- I'm the fat one who keeps bumping into them, but you know how sometimes nothing you say to yourself helps? I was frustrated because the choreography was being changed as we were going along... then changed, then the rhythms weren't being remembered and so we as a group would start repeating incorrect rhythms, and then we'd get yelled at for it (grrrrrr......) -- and I was still hot, tired, aching back & feet, couldn't put my arms in front of me for bumping into chair lady, couldn't put my arms in back of me for bumping in waterbottle lady.... and I KNEW I was being unreasonable, grumpy, self-centered (gee -- no one else was crowded or tired on the risers... ).

Then there are the things I'm frustrated with that are not appropriate to put out there in cyberspace --

But then I whined and griped and vented and feel better. I get frustrated with myself at times like this because I *know* better, but still *feel* that way -- and am learning I have to get it out... *understanding* something isn't *Getting It* (per Rhonda, Life Coach - lesson to Christie on Starting Over this week) -- Understanding something in my head isn't Really Getting It so that I can make a change of living that way. But I digress.

The bass of my quartet is awesome -- she let me whine for a while... and then yesterday I went to Curves (only made it twice this week, but ya know... this was the 4th week in-a-row(!) that I'd been to work out and while it wasn't perfect, and I gained weight (!!!), I still feel good about it), and saw a gal from chorus also working out, and she and I went and had coffee afterwards for what was essentially 2 1/2 hours!! It was so fun!

Himself and I have talked a lot about moving to the house I grew up in -- we won't know more until we know if he's going to be hired as full time permanent -- but it seems he's having some second thoughts on renting it for awhile until we have a better financial backup. That puts me all in a flutter, so things are just in a state of flux, and I'll have to trust and have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Easier said than done!

Himself was kept back about 15 minutes Friday night after work to be told how great he is doing. His team coach showed him his stats (which the company doesn't really 'go on' as far as rating how an employee is doing, but just to show him that his numbers are going in the right direction), and generally tell him what a star he is. The coach mentioned something about himself needing to teach others his 'Scottish Charm' -- *heh heh - I KNEW it!* -- and that the coach is going to have some people 'Y-in' or 'double-jack' or 'listen in with him' on calls. So himself's feeling really good, and just thankful to be at a company which recognizes and appreciates in tangible ways their good employees.

I'm asking for self-discipline, a change of heart to accomplish the financial goals I've set for myself in order to contribute to our household, and to do all things with a joyful heart.

Be A Pioneer In Your Own Life

Isn't that cool to think about? What does it mean?!

YAY!!

Himself's surprise was a real surprise. I was stressing so much I started getting a cold sore, however! On Saturday I went to the party store to get decorations, I went to Cost Plus World Market to get some British Goodies (Heinz beans in tomato sauce, namely for $1.79 a can- yikes!), some Cadbury candy bars (toffee crisp, double decker, flake, crunchie...), and Pickled Onions. Then I went to the Tudor Rose Tea Room, where half the restaurant is a 'corner market' and I bought 2 bottles of Irn Bru, Black Pudding, Tattie Scones, Irish Sausage & British Bacon. I also found Walker's crisps (Wooster sauce flavored), and cheaper Cadbury chocolate. And GRAVY GRANULES... whoo hoo!! Stovies, here we come! I should make that for dinner tonight :-)

Saturday night I had a surprise party for my chorus director to go to, so I left two bags of these British Groceries out for himself -- with a note saying this was the beginning of his Birthday Weekend... and as incentive to get up earlier on his only day off, to cook a 'proper fry up' breakfast. He knew we had lunch reservations at PF Changs at 12:15pm. So we had breakfast at 9am, and so eating at 12:15 wasn't impossible... he's thinking that is all his birthday is really going to amount to...

We had a chocolate cake with a candle at the restaurant, sang Happy Birthday, and while I'd told him there was something else going on that day, he really thought that was it. We're walking out of the restaurant and he says, "So, home then?" And I (gleefully) replied, "Yep!"

His fortune cookie said something about he would be receiving an unexpected visitor, to which I replied, "I wish!" -- and went on about wishing I'd had more time and blah blah blah...

When we sped past our usual parking spot at the complex, he gave me a funny look and said, "What's that all about?" to which I replied, "Well, this is the part when it is hard to make up anything reasonable, so just follow me.... we're heading to the clubhouse." He spies the red & black crepe paper, the "Happy Birthday" sign on the wall and a balloon... and wants to run away. Luckily, I suspected he might bolt, so I am holding his hand.... he says, "Is this for.... me?" And relunctantly walks in the door, where Ann is waiting to take a picture of him... and he walks around the corner and about 30 people are waiting. His worst nightmare, really.

It was a bit awkward for about 30 seconds, and then he realizes he knows some of the people, that relatives are there, as well as some good friends, and friends he hasn't seen since he's been living in the states... I have scrapbook albums out for people to look out while waiting for us to arrive... our wedding album, the 2002 album, the 'Scotland Overview' album, as well as our 5 year anniversary album and his paintball album. This, if I say so myself, was an inspired idea because it gave people an idea of what our life was like, what our wedding was about (and it has how we met, as well as photos of the Scottish wedding in North Berwick etc...).

The radio dedication came out, and drat - the recording didn't work out! But we all heard it, and some people welled up (me included) - and himself was just mortified... but his embarrassment wasn't to be over yet.

At 3pm we cut the cake (some guests had already had to leave by now... so I didn't get pictures of Gail & Karl, for example) & sang Happy Birthday.


The Valentine Quartet came and thoroughly embarrassed him, if he wasn't embarrassed enough...
And then it was time for gifts ~ people who asked me what to get him I told to get him Best Buy gift vouchers ~ so he's raking in enough (along with the recognition vouchers he's already received from Intuit for doing such an outstanding job so far...) to get a pretty decent surround sound stereo/theatre system for our entertainment center when we move out of the apartment and into a house...

The Haggis I'd ordered online had arrived on Wednesday, so I hid it in the fridge all week, and then re-wrapped it with the freeze pack and styrofoam... so he was well-pleased with that! I'd kept his mum & sister's b/day cards back and gave them to him with all the other gifts. He received a funny gag gift from Rosalie and John, and some "Old Fart" beans from the Brubakers, a great cactus arrangement from Gail & Karl, another Rocket from Mary... (!), and a Buffalo Wings restaurant gift card from Shari, and mom's red fleece from LL Bean will be arriving hopefully before tomorrow...

The party started breaking up around 3:45 or so, and we had things cleaned up (with much appreciated help from Mary & Marcia, not to mention Mom, Larry & Dan) by around 4:45.

It was so much fun, and as usual, you don't get to spend a lot of time with anyone... but it does increase my intention to make a bigger effort to make plans with good friends and get out and see them.

I'm exhausted, and now need to get back to real life! er... fun work!! :-)

Where DOES the time go?!!

It is Valentines Day coming up ~ which is also himself's 40th birthday. Yikes. Starting today we'll be starting healthier eating (I won't use Diet because we really need to make some permanent changes). And I'm going to dust off the treadmill --

I feel like I've lost another week. I've been playing with technology... putting all of the quartet coaching sessions, along with my private lesson with Kim onto CD Roms to share with my quartet members, and have been losing time at the computer.

I'm breaking out with cold sore upon cold sore because I'm not doing the scrapping I need to be.

The stuff I'm doing isn't wasting time, necessarily, but what I'm doing isn't contributing to the household, that is for sure.

Crap. And I need to research Ferrets for Jon. ta ta!

Well!! What a weekend! Our quartet, Hearts Afire, had a great coaching session with Jana Gutenson, baritone of Scottsdale Chorus. Our first coaching session felt like we (at least to Carol & I) were just yelling, but now that I've had a lesson with Kim Hulbert, I understand better the vocal production issues at hand, and how to safely achieve that forward sound Jana is after. I think if bass Carol has voice lessons with Chandler, AZ resident Charla Esser, she'll find her voice -- and her vocal production challenges overcome. This second session was excellent in Barbershop Interp ~ making the song a higher scoring song with "Putting Points In The Bank" or, the scoresheet. I was quite exhausted on Monday, though. It is truly amazing how singing uses mind and body.

Monday night I went with good friends Marie & Rosalie to visit the Foothills Women's Chorus. This is a chorus I've had a small bit of history with in the past, and former Arizona Rose company member K M's mom is still a member. Ann M has a thousand-watt smile, and she is one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. She had called up Fellowship Square last year as the chorus's 'get gigs' person, and I spoke to her -- it was that conversation awhile back that was partly responsible to what led next... she is currently working as an independent contractor for senior citizen assisted living places as an occupational therapist who reaches them via crafts. She goes in for an hour, charges anywhere from $30 to $50 and teaches crafts. But she says that hour spent with them could be anything... music (scrapbooking - which is in the craft family), anything, really. She has a structure already in place, she has places that know her and trust her, and she's been wanting to let it go, but doesn't want to leave these people without anyone to follow in her footsteps.

And she says I'd be a perfect replacement! I sing, I craft, and I've been an Activities Person! Right now she's working 20 hours a week, but that is flexible. So she & I are meeting for lunch next week so she can talk to me more in depth about what it involves, and kinda walk me through things.

And I wasn't going to go to the chorus last night with my friends because I was tired (!!) God is so good.

So today I've been recording the coaching sessions onto the pc to create CD's for all quartet members, and have been filing papers and throwing away papers that have been stacking up. I will go do himself's laundry and go to Curves as soon as the Charla session is through recording, and then it is chorus night. I'm also planning to join Weight Watchers online, so need to plan something for himself's dinner.

Life Changes

I've just added some links related to a new tv show I've started TiVoing called "Starting Over" ~ it has 6 women living in a house with 2 life coaches -- dealing with trying to improve their lives and how to action the changes. I've just spent 45 minutes looking at the related websites, and some good stuff there.

On an unrelated note before I forget: Robert Scorpio showed up on General Hospital!!! I've not watched soaps since returning, but seeing that made me go search the ABC soap site and catch up on characters and story lines... man, that was an hour lost!

And I wonder where my day goes............. ANYHOOO...........

Okay ~ I believe that we have everything we need to be who we want to be inside us. God has given us the tools, the desire, the capabilities, the resources, the knowledge and the vision. We just have to trust-- make decisions based upon faith and trust - not fear. (Did you know fear is the main motivator for a lot of actions we take? It is usually what is behind our anger, our prejudices... all of our negative emotions can usually be traced back to some kind of fear)

For me, the journey between the head and the heart is years. Knowing something vs. Living something. For example: I know my eating limit. I know when I'm pleasantly satisfied. I know I can eat again soon. Yet I stuff myself. My heart is asking to be numbed, there is some issue I don't want to face. I do not conciously know what that issue is (at any particular moment or instance of overeating), but when tears come late at night without specific cause, I then know there is pain somewhere that I'm denying.

Who knew it would be so hard to find balance. And, once (if) found, balance would need work to stay that way! hrmph.

This is just really rambling now... random thoughts not strung together in a way that makes sense. Welcome to my mind :-)

I went to Curves yesterday -- YAY* -- *pats self on back* and will go this afternoon at 3pm.

Have to work on himself's birthday....